Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
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Top comments
thatonekid2010 0
mmmm cheeseburger :)
wasup21 0
lmao. did you get it supersized?
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Comments (188)
BigBadWulf 0
that is ******* classic! i wish i knew girls like you shit even if i was you id laugh too
fml22221 0
do you want shake with that (moans)
RealChinese 7
does anyone find it weird that they have a roommate though they're married
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Dude, did you read ANY of the other comments before you asked that?
xSofieAnnise 0
why are you married with a roommate??
mjcdsjf 0
100 nice dane cook reff!
graciedacie 0
I don't consider it an "FML" when I'm about to be in the same situation. One of our closest friends will live in our 3bed/2bath home with us for $300/month. Oh, and did I mention the mortgage is only $450 each month? Yeah, I'd consider that a win for all parties involved. Have you ever shared a home with a roommate before? Often times you hardly even see the other person...
Emmerrr 0
Haha, I'm sorry but I commend your husband.
WTFreversed 5
big macs
Raiking 0
I'd most certainly enjoy to have a conversation with you during a movie at the cinema or at a library.
bbobe900000 0
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! This is the funniest one I've seen!!!!!