Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantle. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, someone found a bat indoors. I offered my help. They shouted, "Let someone with the right expertise do it." I volunteer as a bat carer. FML
Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, I've been awake since 3 a.m. Why? A bat flew into the house and made its way to my bedroom. We haven't been able to find it. FML
Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML
Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML
Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
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Top comments
Shelly_G 2
You might be able to sell it... there's a lot of people who are interested in owning something like that.
jbuckets_404 39
So you mean that you can't get rid of it while your husband's gone???
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Comments (22)
jbuckets_404 39
So you mean that you can't get rid of it while your husband's gone???
jbuckets_404 39
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First AND second! lol
species4872 20
No prize.
ACCOUNTKILLER 18
He probably doesn't really want to keep Henry- it's only funny because of how much it bothers you. But if Henry's in good condition and your husband really wants to keep it, he could frame it or make a display in a bell jar and put it on his desk at work or in his man-cave? Then you'll have a conversation-starter piece or at least it'll be somewhere where it's not watching you.
Shelly_G 2
You might be able to sell it... there's a lot of people who are interested in owning something like that.
Torvaltz 23
I would buy Henry
darshini_ii 24
Bury Henry.
RichardPencil 32
Tell him he can **** "Henry" from now on.
PenguinBitch 44
Bat: I was much alive, thank you very much.
PenguinBitch 44
Bat: I was much alive, thank you very much.
species4872 20
Sounds Bat shit crazy to me.
GhostFox 34
Replace Henry with a rubber bat and see how long it takes him to notice. (And if he is genuinely that attached to Henry, come up with a compromise like the encasing idea mentioned above.)