Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantle. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, someone found a bat indoors. I offered my help. They shouted, "Let someone with the right expertise do it." I volunteer as a bat carer. FML
Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven't even had my coffee yet. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, I've been awake since 3 a.m. Why? A bat flew into the house and made its way to my bedroom. We haven't been able to find it. FML
Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML
Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML
Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
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Top comments
Shelly_G 2
You might be able to sell it... there's a lot of people who are interested in owning something like that.
jbuckets_404 39
So you mean that you can't get rid of it while your husband's gone???
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Comments (22)
ElizaWy 25
On the other hand... look on the bright side. Your husband was cleaning!
naturegrl 9
We found one of those at my family's cabin. We keep it on display in the window-sill. I think it's cool!
Fucc_Logic_4evah 13
Henry is part of the family now. As batty as it seems, get used to it. People who are so intolerant of new, esteemed pets drive me batshit.
NisaSayshi 24
i like your husband
thatslifeiguess7 16
so did you get rid of it?
DanielleinDC 34
There's nothing stopping you from getting rid of it the next time he's away from home, is there?
tamesenicole 27
Ew like the first jeepers creepers movie at the end
sutima 23
Awesome.
Squeepy 19
When I was a kid, my brother and I found a baby fruit bat and named him Freddy. Luckily, Freddy was still quite alive, and about 10 notches below Henry on the creepy scale.
TreeDwarf 1
Start calling him Batman