darshini_ii

Today, my girlfriend got jealous because I wanted to adopt a puppy. FML

If it's brown, let it float around.

Today, for the millionth time, I walked into a complete smellhole of a bathroom, because my almost ten-year-old sister not only never flushes, but she doesn't wipe either. FML

Plooped

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed two weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer, so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past three days. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

I'm awake

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

Trauma

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML