randomjulz
United States
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
disgusted
Harpenden, United Kingdom
The language of love
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Not your maid
Are you kidding me right now?
Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML
Thanks Honey
United States
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Beaming with pride
Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML
carrie
Justify My Love
Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML
SuperSleuth
Miami, United States
Hot air
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
For
United States
Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada
Moody blues
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Well, shit
Canada
Hot shit
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Anonymous
Love is…
Today, my husband called me into the bathroom to wipe his ass, as he's become too fat to do it himself. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that I did it or the fact that I miss when he was at least ashamed to ask. FML
Top comments
YourDone6 8
come see this hairy ******...no.. what kind of husband are you?
ahhhFYL 0
maybe he was hiding your gift in there. so inconsiderate of you.
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Comments (193)
taytoc 10
next time say yes then walk In flush it and leave lol
rocketeer_97 1
Eww that's pretty gross OP.
alwayzjess 0
Ha ha well did you go and see it? That's gross though.
karagarren 8
was it shaped like the virgin Mary?
BigOrca 2
lol. Then take a pick of that one or save it people would buy it. people buy anything. but it would be another guy cuz guys like stuff like that.
Kawboy 1
Next time go check it out! You never know it could have been the world record!
dudeitsdanny 10
He shit out Bono?
Kawboy 1
Bono?
TheMonica 0
Yay for South Park references!
CaptainObvious91_fml 0
PEEEEPS!!!
HugoBosss_fml 0
Here comes the shit puns...
1215116a 14
What a shitty comment.
WordSmyth 2
Oh poo, don't be such a drain OP. Get off your porcelain throne and tell your husband your poo-roud of him. Hehehe, Oh yeah, sounds like a... I..I just can't.
WordSmyth 2
#36 it's "you're," you imbecile.
Stroke_Her_Ace 15
actually it's not. You're an idiot
bingababe 16
Actually yeah, the third one is. Read it again. It's usually best to check that you ARE actually right before calling anyone an idiot....
doctor_J 0
Does it really matter? I mean, all of you understood what it was that he was trying to say. What do you gain by pointing out that mistake?
shakeTHEworld 12
They get the feelibg that they're better than someone else.
CryMoreFMLs 15
It matters the world to me. Literacy = intelligence. I want FML to be literate.
WordSmyth 2
LOL look at the names, I corrected myself.
doctor_J 0
FML
pepper477 6
hahahaha! made my day.
pinkspaceboundro 0
i would have went and looked, maybe even took a picture. However, turn about is fair play!
RandomBlackMan 0
yeah what kind of wife are you?
TheMonica 0
Well, what kind of wife ARE you? God, I hope you've been married for awhile. I can picture a couple who has been together for a long time doing this. Newkyweds, not so much.
meredithxjane 0
me and my boyfriend have been together 7 months, and lived together fir the entire time and we mess around like this. not even newlyweds lol
igoteffed 0
OMG 7 months. I'm 15 and in a longer relationship. haha
tona01 16
good for you
I_Hate_Tpyos 0
121- so you've been "dating" a girl since like 14. where'd you bring her? chucky cheese's? nobody cares.
dudeitsdanny 10
OMG I'M BARELY PUBESCENT AND HAVE BEEN WITH A GIRL FOR MORE THAN 7 MONTHS111!!!1!1 I'M SO KEWL!!1!1!1!1!! Assuming we care.. All relationships start at one month and move their way up. It's beyond stupid to act cool over having a longer relationship than a stranger. Besides, you'll probably be broken up by the time you graduate high school.