Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went onto my fiance's phone because I was seeing if a message was important enough go wake him up for. It wasn't important, but when I unlocked his phone, Facebook was already open with his female best friend's chat. He pretty much admitted to her that he still has feelings and that she's a better mom. FML
Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss's office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML
Today, on our honeymoon, I found out my husband brought his work laptop with him. We were supposed to go scuba diving but he skipped it for virtual meetings, then sat on his laptop until 2 a.m. He then had the nerve to be confused about why I’m mad at him and just want to go home. FML
Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's Facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex-girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML
Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML
Today, I found out my husband sent 3000 friend requests to random women on Facebook. He says it's no big deal and doesn't mean anything. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Kmart91 0
QUICK! Shave your bristle like hair, and file down your tusks! You're boaring! But Yea, thats odd he rather do that....
Kitola 2
Dude, Mousehunt is awesome. At least my boyfriend understands that, and occasionally sounds the horn for me. :) If he's hunting for a map carrier, or the Acolyte, I totally can understand.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (91)
nike1 0
YDI for having a shitty husband ;D
heavenandhell 0
you must be boaring
EffYoLife 14
not as "boaring" as your spelling hahahhahaha
heavenandhell 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOUR ******* HILARIOUS!
ChurchofFagenism 0
c-c-c-combo breaker
quackquackquac 0
you're?
heavenandhell 0
you know i find people that care about spelling so much that they feel the need to post a correction on this site more annoying then when people express their happiness for being the first person to comment
Hich17 0
You mean "than when".
julesiana 0
You mean "you're".
marxmarv 0
Proper English is like proper manners. People are going to stare and giggle at you until you get with the program.
madhops0620 0
Amen
bigbubba127 0
You mean "I"???
heavenandhell 0
you guys are too self centerd or stuipd to realise that not everyone's first language is english so go **** yourselves
heavenandhell 0
so i guess that staring and giggling is proper manners?? you sir ( marxmarv) are a hypocrite.
ChocolateBox123 13
You must be in 2nd graide
plexico 4
What's your number? I can help (with the procreating, that is, I quit Facebook an hour after I joined because I realized that I couldn't easily keep my wife and girlfriend separate.)
simplyfucked 0
dear god...
Terilyn4500 0
whoa......
genius_man16 1
The trolls are really slacking lately.
plexico 4
I know! I can't figure out which thing offended the trolls more (or which one they believed): that I'd go to Singapore for a booty call or that I have a wife AND a girlfriend?
Macromartyr 3
Capitalize the start of your sentences xD
jasonkoor 0
the baby bonus isn't working!
Kmart91 0
QUICK! Shave your bristle like hair, and file down your tusks! You're boaring! But Yea, thats odd he rather do that....
toqwert 0
aha ha yea that's pretty good actually...
qthebluetoothguu 0
But wait, i don't get it...
_Noon_ 0
Me neither :') Stupid facebook shit, I've never been to that site so I really don't get it.
Kitola 2
Dude, Mousehunt is awesome. At least my boyfriend understands that, and occasionally sounds the horn for me. :) If he's hunting for a map carrier, or the Acolyte, I totally can understand.
mavsfan26 5
I freaking love Mousehunt! Lol. But those Acolytes hate me.
Kitola 2
The hydra with the blueprints hates me. I haven't even tried the Acolyte yet.
HeWhoEatsAll423 0
Can't beat a free game where you can win money.
ladycoyote 0
I love Mousehunt! I had an acolyte nibble this morning, but no catch. >:(
DerpyDerpinator 15
goliath field mice hate me ):
premiermois 5
You are the kinds of people who shouldn't be procreating at all.
Tequila01 0
Sounds like something my boyfriend would do too..
EffYoLife 14
how the hell do you hunt for mice on facebook? wtf