Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML
Today, I’m still trying desperately to explain to my boyfriend why I’m not interested in any kind of breast or nipple play. I gave birth to our son just 2 months ago and I strictly breastfeed. He insists it’s "not fair" that the baby gets the breasts all the time. Um, what? FML
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Today, and the for the past few weeks, my husband has been sulking because I’ve recently stopped breastfeeding and my boobs have started shrinking back to their original A cup. FML
Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
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Top comments
Anonnamus 0
Tell him you have a mental block against him touching your ******, because the last time he did, a nine pound person shot out if it.
DGross 8
I don't even know how to comment on this... I've heard of a milk fetish before but never a phobia of breast milk...
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Comments (200)
purgarus 6
Snickerdoodles admit it, you never planned to adopt your children, you just realized you will never get laid so you HAVE to adopt them.
purgarus 6
Snickerdoodles just admit it, you never planned to adopt your children, you just realized you will never get laid so you HAVE to adopt them.
RuralNinja 0
YDI for not breastfeeding. You have almost 1/3 of your character space unused, more than enough room to put a reason for not doing it (if you have one) and not be ridiculed. However, since you didn't, its safe to assume you have no credible reason.
meso222 8
You lots of space to say why you feel the need to be a douche about her life choice as a mother (that does not involve abuse from info given). Since you didn't it's safe to assume you have none, so stop being a douche or do the right thing for human kind and don't ever reproduce
lilubird 0
bill gates wasn't breastfed. true story. take that crazy know-it all wannabes, you know who you are ;)
goldspeck 0
lol!! slammed lilubird. she's got you there.
lionandthelamb61 9
Yeah, not breastfeeding doesn't necessarily make you less intelligent, however not doing it can be the cause of many common ailments such as ADD and asthma. So sure, your kid might not have a heart attack at 25 or an IQ of 50, but why wouldn't you want to start your kids life off as healthfully as possible?
elvgar 0
@ 70 actually if u smoke pot b4 u r 15 or when u r 15 u can form mental conditions so yea u can get autistic when u werent born with it
idkweird 0
#57: My brother and I were both breastfed. I have ADHD and he has ADD. You can get those ailments regardless of whether or not you have been breastfed. Also, my other brother who was not breastfed does not have any major issues.
lilubird 0
regardless, he's intelligent. so youre wrong. read what you said and realize the truth about your stupidity and judgement.
Fminetoo 0
Did you just use Bill Gates and intelligent in the same sentence? Bill Gates stole the idea for MS DOS (maybe a different program, but you get the point) And we all know Al Gore invented the internet. IMHO Bill Gates kinda started out as a thief. Now, he pays people to do everything for him.
lilubird 0
social issues? because of BREAST MILK? please. you're wrong and trying to bring down a perfectly normal human being to prove a very obtuse and overreactive point. stop now.
lilubird 0
*nods* that's nice for you.
lionandthelamb61 9
yes, social issues because of breast milk. you would be surprised by the impact that early childhood nutrition has on the rest of your life
harmony88 0
Tarynkd, you speak truth. *points to self as proof*
lilubird 0
Taryn kid = the smartest triller around! ie fail at snickerfoot.
kona892 0
obviously you weren't breastfed.
jessamused 0
oh sweetheart, you can tell you are young. Allergy to breastmilk is more common than you may think. Perhaps you should educate yourself before you judge....
KeekersMD 0
this is completely untrue.my brother and his daughter were both allergic to breastmilk,what the mother eats has very little to do with it if the childs digestive system cant break it down. seconded@ young and naive
abalgatti 0
wow #30 is a dumbass. no one in their right mind should have a child if they knowingly have HIV or AIDS
SunnyD003 0
so if you have hiv because you were born with it, and didnt have a choice in the matter, means you can't have children and be happy?
thenumberblue 0
god never breast fed Jesus and he turned out pretty good
elvgar 0
peter from family guy did
okieraider71 4
Wonderful answer #9!!! I would not even try and top that one. It is one of those "Why didn't I think of saying ....".
Anonnamus 0
Glad you liked it, fellow okie.