Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
time_consumer 0
LOL at dingleberries. I assume you mean your balls, not the poop stuck in your ass hairs. Either way, YDI.
mika220 1
If she had said "my boyfriend insulted me, i threw a lamp at his balls, and then he broke up with me, FML" she would also have gotten a bunch of YDIs, but fact is, he probably knew his girlfriend was a bit crazy and said it anyways. tread carefully around the crazies, or YDI..
CHEESYBIGMAC 0
YDI for calling your nuts dingleberries...
Skullcrusher 5
Dingleberries are turds.
warrenpeace 0
She threw the lamp at your pieces of shit hanging from your butt hairs? Dude, are you 12?
flyintonite 0
I read this as threw her dingleberries at you which woulda been ******* hilarious imo, but I think you met balls. At any rate, what have we learned today?
a192837465 0
lol that's what I was thinking, who throws a lamp at your butt. hey maybe it can be the new foreplay!!
perdix 31
"Dingle Bells, Dingle Bells, dingle all the way! (Everybody!). . . " The OP did the right thing. The stupid bitch was asking for his permission to become a fat pig before his very eyes! She knows she has a problem, and she should get off her expanding ass and do something about it. She was hoping that he was OK with her lack of discipline (and her taking him for granted) and would continue to **** her big, gelatinous haunches!
Squander 3
I understood that he meant testicles, even though that's not a word we generally use in reference to those. Anyway the girl shouldn't go full-out assault on him for any reason, but nobody likes being called fat. So FYLYDI tossup.
RMC000 7
You totally deserved it for making such a comment. Rule #1 is never make negative comments referencing a woman's weight, especially when she's rambling about it out of anger.
ThisismeBaby 0
ew thats disgusting do u kno wht dingleberries are???? they r shit thats stuk to ur pubic hair dam lameass