Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
EnzoMatrix 0
You deserve it for being frank hahha
C4R0L1N3 0
YDI for saying dingleberries.
sLAUGHTERxx 0
Well, you deserve this one. You should never, ever, EVER insult your girlfriend. Like when she asks if that dress makes her look fat, you ALWAYS say it doesn't, even if it does. Women are known for their easily-hurt feelings and how they take their weight seriously. It wasn't such a smart move saying something like that. However, she shouldn't have reacted in such a way that she did. Violence is never the answer, no matter how minor or major the violence may be (minor, in this particular case). She should have just resolved this by using words. None of this would have happened if you wouldn't have said that. You should have said, "Babe, I love you no matter what your weight is." That would have been a MUCH better thing to say. I know people say "truth hurts", but some things are better to just be lied about. YDI for saying such a thing and not considering her feelings. But your girlfriend overreacted quite a bit. I hope everything works out for you!
evelynn_319 5
Why is this post so long?? It's a comment, not an essay.
nicholasj96 9
******* essay .
onnielief 4
Way to go mister sensitive! Honestly, when do men understand that weight is a sensitive subject for most women?
chinCHILLaOUT 0
I love the way the OP wrote this. He seems like a funny, but slightly perverted, guy.
brokenboxofammo 0
If they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't be fat. Women need to stop whining about their weight and being so sensitive about it. FYL.
chinCHILLaOUT 0
If you noticed, the OP lives in America. America is a odd place, and is extremely concerned about weight. AND our 2/3s of our population are overweight so it is likely that she is obese, therefore she has the right to worry.
hXcsoccerplaya 0
chances are his girlfriend was just stressing about nothing, and was maybe more overweight than she would have liked, in which case I could see OP making a joke like this. or maybe she was just a fat crazy bitch who had multiple jellyrolls and needed to be told she was fat. both ways, this isn't worth getting a lamp thrown at your balls. tell her to lighten up, cause she might not have any more pushin if your balls get hurt. plus if you get pissed. not worth it either way
epiclol 0
dingleberries are peices of toliet paper that get left on your ass LMAO.
g3rusz 6
YDI, the only acceptable thing to say is: "Honey, you are not fat, you are perfect and I love you." Any attempts on humor will be avenged on your balls.