Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (246)
Babydoll543 0
I know that many people may be overweight, But you didnt have to put it in such a horrible and inconsiderate way!
escualida 0
oh unclench... yes he's an ass, but that's about it
Link_Asriel 0
If you don't tell them they wont do anything about it. **** them if they cant get some exercise once in a while. If its actually a medical disorder then that sucks and I hope they get help but for the other 95%, get off your lazy ass and do something.
stumbeline777 2
That is so insensitive, i would have thrown a lamp at you too.
quarty165 0
I'm gonna go against my sex here, but I don't think you deserved it. You were trying to tell her that you love her anyway, however absurdly you may have done it. I'd break up with her. Even if you had deserved it, throwing stuff is not cool.
catatonicsleep 17
i agree with you, he was saying that he loves her no matter her size. If my Bf said that I would probably pretend that I was offended and then start laughing.
ProfitOfDoom 3
It all depends on how upset she was in the first place. Because if she was really upset any attempt at humor would seem insensitive no matter the subject, but if she was just saying it in passing humor would be a good thing. It is all in the context to how she was feeling and to what extent
AGGoddess 2
So her being upset gives her the right to throw stuff at him and be violent? You're an idiot.
ZoeeC 0
You deserved this, though tbh any guy who says 'dingleberries' needs to have a lamp thrown at him.
NorthernBelle04 0
Just an FYI.... 'dingleberries' are pieces or balls of poop that are stuck to your butt hairs.
immastarr 0
lol
slyace 9
ohhhh bad choice of words. YDI for being stupid
DynamicDave 11
Dingleberries. That's new...ish. Unfortunately, it's also pretty lame so YDI Besides, what kind of man tells his girl that? Even if you have to lie, tell her she looks good. Geez, dude.
BBW_Apes 0
You should have told her she looks great the way she is. LOL. Thats a nice phrase, but not when a woman is worried about her looks.
escualida 0
you think that's a nice phrase? it's sooo douchey!
Erindub 0
You could've been more sensitive but she also could've been less sensitive.
lolsamzilla 0
Hahahaha wow you're a douchebag. YDI