Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
jflee94p 0
that is bad ass man.
Panther_fml 0
YDI for being a rude prick. Learn some manners, or find another girlfriend!
hardcoredoug 0
I don't think that word means what you think it means. If you meant your nuts, you picked the wrong word, it already means something else
badbunny 0
YDI for not throwing it back
katiebby15_fml 0
Wow! You sound like a keeper
chels0926 0
Idiot. A dingleberry is a turd that is hanging from you butt. Most of the time animals get dinglberries because the turd catches on their hair on ther butt.
Tigg3r 3
I would've stabbed you with a pen! You don't ever do that to a girl no matter how funny you think it is! YDI!!!
omghehehe 0
LOL. She must've had a precise shot to throw the lamp at your dingleberries, and it's pretty disgusting to know you had more than one dingleberry :D Wash your ass and trim that shit! :P Btw, nothing wrong with a little padding! Women are suppose to have curves. Idk why she threw a lamp for that. You sound like you said it honestly and nice as you possibly could. Women don't ask if you can't handle the truth. Save yourself a lot of grief.
LolWaitWut 0
YDI for saying dingleberries.
Andyangels27 0
a dingleberry has nothing to do with your testicles.