Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AH1Zviper 15
That was pretty shelfish in my opinion.
eaglerob 20
That's your future wife right there; embrace the chaos
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
DogeMan 14
Send her sexy pics as tell her to come over and when she does tell her u have homework u need help on
nitrog100 21
Next time she's in the mood, deny her.
KingTurnip 6
She's a bitch trying to take advantage of you, OP.
judopow 7
At least you have sexy pictures? ?
the_real_dvd 21
And yet she probably complains about how the world only sees her as a sex object. If she'd have asked nicely, the shelf probably would've been hung without expectation. That's what people who care for each other do, but using her body as a tease only encourages the notion that that is all she's good for.
weveallbeenthere 30
be happy with the pics and helping her. not every sexy pic has to end in sex. maybe OP isn't telling everything since you only get 300 characters to write an fml.
Callmeseansaur 9
That is equal parts evil and genius.
TheBurdenOfLife 9
Your girlfriend just gave me a good idea for the next time I have a boyfriend and need some house work done. Just kidding. That's really mean, and manipulative.
trendkilla254 4
just wait and see what she wants when she asks for help hanging shelves.
TogeBara 12
You definitely need to tell her that you dislike her being manipulative, but at the same time you need to reassure her in that you will do things for her just because she asks, not because she is offering sex in trade. I spent an entire night doing the most tedious work of my life. Why? My gf asked me to help her make a chart so that she could keep track of all the pokemon she had caught as well as their attributes so she could get favorable stats. She's a game completionist and I am to so I helped her out. I didn't expect it to take 5 hours of photoshop work doing nothing but copy paste and grid lines. I got nothing in return, but I'm ok with that because it helped her and made her happy. She's my gf and that's what relationships are about, helping each other and making each other happier. Using manipulative tactics is wrong and a good way to degrade a relationship. Time for a talk with your gf.