Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
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Top comments
AH1Zviper 15
That was pretty shelfish in my opinion.
eaglerob 20
That's your future wife right there; embrace the chaos
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Comments (116)
jajajanie 13
at least you got to nail SOMETHING.
BrimfullOfAsher 20
What's next - she invites you up for coffee and serves you Tasters' Choice?
SatinsNightmares 17
?
Goblin182 27
Send her a picture of some very nice expensive jewlery. When she comes over have her blow you. Then send her home.
iwadasn 33
What point are you trying to make here? That she should have given him a ******* in exchange for setting up the shelf? That's not at all how a healthy relationship works. There's nothing wrong with doing non-sex-related things with your partner every once in awhile without demanding to be compensated in some way.
ofernando84 4
What a sly diva roach
hickeyboy42 11
Clever girl.
Loboman 6
That isnt your girlfriend, man. FRIENDZONED!!
laylaeve 9
Well she sure used you..I'd drop that one
iwadasn 33
You seriously think he should dump his girlfriend just because she doesn't have sex with him every single time he wants her to? Most relationships have more to them than that.
Rababco 29
@102 I think it's more about manipulation than the fact that she didn't want to have sex with him. I think it would be better for OP to talk with her about it then dump her though.
LizReszke 11
You obviously deserved it for thinking that a female only sends "sexy" photos when they want sex. What a dick you are.
rambleramble3 11
She sent sexy photos and asked him to come over, it's a reasonable conclusion that she would want the D. If she had only sent photos and no invite, then it your statement would be accurate in the situation.
CO_RRA 11
That was a great tactic on her part, sorry you didn't get yours brother.