Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML
Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML
Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML
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Top comments
sawdy 0
You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough
Scott_George 0
that has always been my greatest nightmare...
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Comments (125)
Lou_Briccant 0
That's alright, if you did get to drive it the car would probably break down halfway through cuz of some electrical crap. Jags always have electrical problems. :)
kyoryuXVI 0
#28 fail.
wowJJ 0
Yea I think you should go with what #9 says :)
Figureskater_15 0
FYL but then again no, her dad is just looking out for her. i can totally picture my UNCLE doing this. both of them. except one would be more embarassing over the other thats hwy i decided to not invite the one more embarassing to my wedding when im older. hes soo embarassing i dont wanna go on about it,
jwsmythe 0
You can't drive my car, and you can't "drive" my daughter. Lesson learned. :) I suspect it won't help though. You're probably taking her for a "drive" as I'm posting this. My daughter is still a baby, but I have a more subtle plan. Introduce any potential boyfriends to my gun collection, and then remind them it's not very hard to dispose of a body. Then plant the suggestion that I don't want anyone, under any circumstances, touching my daughter. No explicit threat, but if he takes an implied hint of potential future actions, so be it. I lived in a bad neighborhood once long ago. I had a nice talk to some of the neighborhood troublemakers about firearms, my training, and the .45 that I happened to be carrying that they didn't see until I showed them. They were good enough kids, but were more than happy to get in a little trouble. Once they understood, I know the word got out. We had a very friendly relationship with the trouble in the 'hood. They didn't mess with us, and we were all friendly.
_trixR4kidz 0
Totally deserved that dude, and you should have seen it coming. Besides, what else would you expect your girlfriend's dad's #1 priority to be in terms of your relationship with his daughter? The point is, he knows how excited your are to "drive his jaguar" but it's for that very reason that he doesn't trust you. I hope the analogy eventually became clear to you.
snoosnoo 1
Oh dear. Awkward much? >_< . Low tactic to trick you into having the talk though =/ . He should have been straightforward about it from the start. FYL.
Manda777 0
haha lmao here... that sux... altho he coulda kept the talk a little shorter if he was gonna give it, n at least let u drive the car... n 86, ur kinda creepy
ladywaldo 0
Wtf this shit is stuipid!!
GloomySkyz 0
#9 ROFLROFLROFLROFL