Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML
Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML
Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML
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Top comments
sawdy 0
You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough
Scott_George 0
that has always been my greatest nightmare...
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Comments (125)
funkycloud7137 0
********** and blow a load all over his nice leather interior.
tWitt3rBuG 0
Epic!!! pwned!
carliexobon 0
lmao
taylorchasewhite 0
haha you deserve it, how did you not see the classic "You can drive my Jag" as a cover for "Dont **** my daughter"?
lmmmr 0
What's the big deal? He's a dad. That's what he does. You will do the same for your daughter. That's kind of what happens when you date girls, their parents look out for them. FYL? No.
Uber_G33k 0
#6- I'm with you all the way. Wheeeeeeeeeee....
KickMeInTheNadz 0
Ride her then. Ride her until she's out of gas. Then jump start her, and repeat the process.
Humanoid_fml 0
#27 - You can't continue to drive a car that's out of gas by jump starting it. Analogy fail.
genius_man16 1
#3 & #9 win and do #21 too, just for good measure
neverland_fml 0
He got you goooood. #3 and #9 are great~!