Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, then I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said, “I wanted to try something new.” FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
lysx84 24
I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can she pop out a ping pong ball?
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Comments (170)
ellymae96 25
She only does it with milk? Or all beverages, like orange juice too.? ?
mergeterge 24
I wonder if she's actually tried it out and logically decided upon milk because other drinks (like orange juice) are too acidic... How much thought was put into this so called talent??
MasterTron 24
I don't want to know.
Polynomial 28
Lemonade?
chocolatejunebug 9
Oh. My. God. I'd pay to see that. Hell, I wanna try that!
Chiharo 15
I don't even want to know what made her get that. .....talent.....
kutchbabe 13
She's a keeper ..!
T0XiK_1 9
I'd have immediately proposed!
iRambo 12
Hey, don't drink the strawberry milk.
mohner 9
Surprised no one asked. Is she a stripper?
nitrog100 21
1 week in and you've already seen her ******. It appears you're winning at relationships, so just roll with it.
mergeterge 24
pretty sure people these days can see a woman's ****** before making the dating relationship official...
Algorithm 24
The fact that you consider that the determining factor of what makes a good relationship is why you're single.
ChibiChick25 8
Someone might have a questionable past.
shoggoth_wild 7
... Just, why...?
B00K_L0V3R93 31
That brings a whole new meaning to the term "Squirter".
ADBurns 22
Good bye girlfriend or hello home made milkshakes?