Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, then I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said, “I wanted to try something new.” FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lysx84 24
I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can she pop out a ping pong ball?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
ometzit 4
Who's milk was it, yours or from the fridge?
Starfire950 5
that's a bad thing????
JKPwnage 27
Lots of strange and disturbing FMLs today...
chef4money 12
She showed you that after a week? You better get ready for some ****** up shit, that was probably her warm up trick to see if you would stay. Is that in any way sexy to anyone?
Drosophila82 18
Duuuude you should totally sign her up for 'Americans got talent'!
ChristinePi 36
Only a week and she showed you that? Interesting.
pyrexicpoet 18
Welcome to the milky way
BananaCoconutty 26
Incredible
werewolf_babe 16
How does that come up? Lol like "hey want to see what I can do with my ******? You're gonna love it, I promise"
skyline0392 8
Your complaining about that? or bragging? Lol