Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, then I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said, “I wanted to try something new.” FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
lysx84 24
I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can she pop out a ping pong ball?
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Comments (170)
lysx84 24
I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...
Dilwann 27
That talent is developed. It requires really strong muscles, meaning she's been training those muscles. Either by herself or with someone else. That's why it's a known 'talent' of Thai prostitutes (I believe they were Thai anyway) to launch ping pong balls that way.
MrConcise 35
I'd pay to see it. But just once. In person. From a distance. Like watching Shamu at Sea World from the back row, because I don't wanna get splashed.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can she pop out a ping pong ball?
gte225 11
I wonder if she's related to Winona Ryder
austingw 5
can you?
Nicolasaur726 21
Well, at least you can keep up your calcium levels.
muarif 19
Nice, you can now eat and drink at the same time now!
kmaheynoway 25
*pukes a little*
psychopolarbear 28
*slowly pours glass of milk in the sink*
Crescent_Moon 17
I think I just died a little. Thats hilarious.
shemademedoit 20
I'll never look at milk the same way.......
zman92 13
Well I'm not putting milk in my coffee now.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Oh god
xtna 9
That sure adds pizzazz to having a bowl of cereal.
Enslaved 38
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa,
foomzy 13
That's nastyy-cleavlend
Rainbow2Cloud 12
*Cleveland
sarcasmwins 24
1 girl 1 cup...of milk? Ahh ****, goodbye appetite.
alkoy 4
wait. so how does the milk even get into her ******?
splinteredApple 36
You pour it in.
alkoy 4
but... why?!
splinteredApple 36
Some questions are better left unanswered.
Ilmoran 20
So that she can shoot it out of there, obviously.
EvilLittleMan 23
Why? Veaties. The Breakfast of Champions. This is something Bruce Jenner will endorse once he completes his transformation.
worldclassrager 41
Good lord 32...really?
Overlord247 20
Pretty sure one week is way too early to be showing off her freakish "talent"
carrotsex 11
I thought the same thing.
xx000o 27
I was thinking 2 maybe 3 weeks at the earliest.
Namenlos_fml 20
On the other hand, it can be a good strategy to just put all the weirdness out there right away. Sure, it might scare them away, but if it doesn't, you know you can be yourself.
IDerive 12
I've heard of breast feeding, but ****** feeding is new to me.