Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, then I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said, “I wanted to try something new.” FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
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Top comments
lysx84 24
I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can she pop out a ping pong ball?
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Comments (170)
Attacksloth 33
Imagine down the road if she gets pregnant. "HONEY, DON'T HAVE A COW!"
kurodansei 16
others seem not to. but i find humor in this comment
bsums203 13
Just imagine how kinky you guys can get. You are a very Lucky man.
adam040802 6
I can never look at milk the same way now...
kewpiesuicide 29
People are into the craziest things. In the grand scheme of things, shooting milk out of her cha-cha isn't really a big deal (besides a few health concerns). She may have overshared but maybe she thought that you would find it sexy. Squirting is a very common fetish and she found an interesting way to simulate it.
_Peppermint_ 34
That's gonna call for a major yeast infection!!!
mergeterge 24
Yeah, it honestly doesn't sound healthy at all!
nicole74 13
No, goodbye girlfriend....
miranderrr14 10
I was thinking the same thing..
worldclassrager 41
Personally I think a week in that's a bit too quick...maybe toning it down wouldn't be a too bad idea...
bnbhimp 10
Don't give her a creampie. I suspect it's hard to clean off the ceiling.
Dramori 29
Be happy, plenty of people will pay to see something similar... Like in Thailand.
WolfAvenge 22
I'm curious how this conversation happened; "you like that? I'll show you something you'll love if you get me some milk and a turkey baster~"