Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
arano 29
I'm really not sure how she could mistake brushing teeth with masturbating... Maybe if you were a girl I could understand, but otherwise I'm just confused by the whole thing. On another note, are you not allowed to **********? That's a weird situation in itself.
Welshite 40
Maybe you should stop using that electric toothbrush and moaning loudly in pleasure. I know brushing teeth is nearly orgasmic, but come on.
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Comments (69)
Misoranomegami 16
Lol something similar happened to me but it was my parents. My mom told me that my dad commented on my nightly habit of going into the bathroom and then all this buzzing and he really hoped I had switched to an electric razor. He was very relieved to hear it was my toothbrush. The worst part? I switched to an electric toothbrush like 6 months ago. We went on a trip together this spring. Everynight for a week I'd carry my toothbrush into the bathroom for a few minutes and he apparently thought it was a vibrator the entire trip.
danm_1 28
Teeth need love too. Sorry, OP
suffermyname 15
I can't understand why girlfriends get pissed that their boyfriends **********. I love thinking about my boyfriend whacking it
black_crow78 3
What's wrong with masturbating in the first place?
freddygasman 18
We're not saying anything's wrong with it. In fact, it's hard to beat.
Catdragon 40
what the ****? how can anyone get pissed at masturbating? I never understood that logic. Unless he never has sex with you and literally masturbates with you next to him. But I get the feeling it isn't like that in this case.
rec_chem 22
You're not allowed to jerk off?
PikarooArtist 17
Is that what you kids are calling it these days? On a serious note: Maybe just talk to her about it and see if you guys can't do something about the problem.
sparkledoge 29
What is so wrong with masturbation anyway ? I don't understand all these girls who can't bear the idea of their boyfriend masturbating, unless he acts like he'd rather rub one out than have sex with you, i don't see the problem.
slothstronaught 11
run dude...
bad_boyfriend 10
People who try to keep their partner from masturbating are ******* crazy. If she is so insecure that the thought of you touching your own body bothers her, you should get away.