Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
arano 29
I'm really not sure how she could mistake brushing teeth with masturbating... Maybe if you were a girl I could understand, but otherwise I'm just confused by the whole thing. On another note, are you not allowed to **********? That's a weird situation in itself.
Welshite 40
Maybe you should stop using that electric toothbrush and moaning loudly in pleasure. I know brushing teeth is nearly orgasmic, but come on.
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Comments (69)
Viper_Revenge 10
Wow, if you can finish in a minute, thats really bad
RainbowButtFag 4
You might want to talk with your girlfriend. If she's upset that you were masturbating, there might be bigger issues at hand here. o.O
nanner6206 24
hahaha
freddygasman 18
I see what you did there #49, and now I'm going to go wash my mind with black to try to forget it.
azog_fml 3
Maybe he was masturbating with Sand Paper.
ShadowLurk 8
I can't imagine how someone can mix up masturbating noises with the brushing ones, either I can't figure it out why you can't ********** if you want to. Sounds crazy for me.
Checkdasskye 3
Are you not allowed to ********** because it's kinda ridiculous if you can't. She shouldn't be mad even if you were wankin it.
HRose 2
Holy crap, run OP! For a girlfriend to get upset at her BF for this is so damn childish and controlling. Even if you WERE, that's not her business. It's your body, play as you wish! You're not required to sleep with her for every urge you get. Seriously... RUN.
mrslegume 8
I'm not sure what's more frustrating for you. The fact that she's not giving you time and space to take care of personal hygiene or that she has a problem with masturbating.
Tannasgh 22
That sounds like someone with a guilty conscience...
mightymorbid 6
what's the difference
freddygasman 18
Maybe you need to slow down a bit. Think of it as a marathon instead of the 40 meter dash. You want it to last the whole 2 minutes, not just 30 seconds. That is the brushing, of course.