Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arano 29
I'm really not sure how she could mistake brushing teeth with masturbating... Maybe if you were a girl I could understand, but otherwise I'm just confused by the whole thing. On another note, are you not allowed to **********? That's a weird situation in itself.
Welshite 40
Maybe you should stop using that electric toothbrush and moaning loudly in pleasure. I know brushing teeth is nearly orgasmic, but come on.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
1thatonedude1 15
i don't understand why girlfriends even care about that
RinoaHeartilly 36
I think a lot of it has to do with their upbringing. You're taught that touching yourself is weird and wrong when it's the exact opposite. That's how I was raised and it definitely gave me a lot of hangups when I was younger.
Namenlos_fml 20
In addition to what 31 said, even when masturbation is okay to some people, they might think it's cheating if the person masturbating is in a relationship. Weird, but I've met people who actually believe that.
birdybabe 4
u arent allowed to jack off?
Allornone 35
as a woman, I know my man masturbates. I know just about every man masturbates. I certainly know I **********. Any girl (or guy) who tries to prevent their partner from indulging in that pastime is fighting a losing, and unhealthy, battle. It doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you (hell, they could be thinking of you as they do it). It just means they had a spare moment and wanted to get off.
seductrexxx 6
Hahahahaha ... I'm gonna bust into the bathroom while my BF is brushing his teeth and scream accusations at him for masturbating. I think he would drop and brush my .........
PackardBell_fml 19
Brush your what?
laden_swallow09 35
A dramatic pause means that something comes after it. …even when it's you.
cyberI7 13
Your in for a lifetime of hurt. Better run for the hills now while you still can.
tnrtank1994 10
Why are we not asking why can't he **********?
burgermike92 17
Brush brush brush Brush brush brush Brushing everywhere. I hope people get this reference.
jow96 17
she didn't want to help you?
Laxinitup 18
It's always nice to give a helping hand...
freddygasman 18
or receive a helping hand.
mergeterge 24
...why would that even be any of her business in the first place??
False_Stupidity 42
Why would she just jump to that conclusion based on what she thought she heard? She could have just walked in and seem him brushing. But in top of that, why dose she object to OP masterbating? Just flash her your pearly whites and breathe your fresh minty breath toward her as proof.