Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict, and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML
Today, in the middle of one of the worst migraines of the year, I asked my wife if she could kindly stop trying to tell me about the latest neighbourhood gossip at 130 decibels. Cue her loudly nagging in my ear about how I’m mean for not wanting to spend time with her anymore. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
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Top comments
chanellgymnast 17
Just because you had a migraine she accused you of all of those terms? Good gravy.
GemmaStyles 14
If anything, she's the selfish one.
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Comments (73)
Ceejay1 13
Sex helps migraines.
xkncas 8
Let us know how curative it is the next time you have a severe migraine--just just a pansy little headache. Know the difference, and shut up.
ackiturn 2
That's coercive rape, dude. Your gf tried to coerce you into sex against your will. jfc
Martnikk 15
Just so you know sex cures migraine. Sience bitch
Shrike 24
Well first of all, you can even spell "science" correctly. Secondly, you expect everyone to take your word for it with zero sources to back you up. Thirdly, if you were right, every migraine sufferer would just jack off and live with a good quality of life. The reason they don't is because your claim is 100% bullshit.
CharresBarkrey 16
You know what cures migraines? Complete silence, darkness, sleep, and strong pain medicine. Sex will NOT help.
xkncas 8
I wouldn't trust anyone's opinion who can't even spell science. According to science: you're retarded.
AmyPond17 33
Wow. What a bitch. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope you feel better. Migraines can be rough for sure.
chocolatekitty 7
IMO, she sounds like a selfish bitch. I wouldn't fool with anyone who is going to yell at you over sex.
Enzi_fml 21
Woah, why is it a crime every time a man turns down sex?
non_finisher 9
She might have been smoking weed under start projectors..!
thapora 8
She should respect ur wishes. However a quick way to relive the pain of a migraine is an ******. :)
vanaathiel 13
Actually no, ****** can help with most normal headaches but a migraine is not a normal headache. As someone who gets migraines frequently I know if I tried to have sex during one I'd end up crying and throwing up everywhere.
brittyed 11
Hopefully her reaction was only because she was "in the moment". Otherwise if she is ALWAYS like this, then she is a bitch and you don't need to be dealing with that, OP.
jhs578650 9
@80 You should always remember what people say to you in anger. That is when the truth comes out.
caysters 12
Shoulda let her give you a ********. The endorphins may have helped your head a little.