Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my anger issues reached their worst after a horrible day at work. I kicked my girlfriend out of our apartment because I smelled another man's cologne when I came home. The "cologne" was a scented candle that she had burning while I was gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
My girlfriend is into natural cures but nothing like this. She’d have me taking ginger tea, B12, a cold compress and a lot of water. If she’s ever in this spot again, have her try this, and if she won’t listen, maybe it’s time to move on. Also, since I didn’t know before, I now know that paracetamol and acetaminophen are the same thing.
core01 30
Idk, man. Is the crazy really worth it?
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Comments (4)
poopface82 25
My girlfriend is into natural cures but nothing like this. She’d have me taking ginger tea, B12, a cold compress and a lot of water. If she’s ever in this spot again, have her try this, and if she won’t listen, maybe it’s time to move on. Also, since I didn’t know before, I now know that paracetamol and acetaminophen are the same thing.
RichardPencil 32
Getting your girlfriend into opioid abuse is not nice. How 'bout giving her some 'shrooms?
core01 30
Idk, man. Is the crazy really worth it?