Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Sorry, but domestic abuse is not something you joke about. You should beat her for that. Er, discuss it.
TransitionCovert 6
Now you can beat her.
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Comments (170)
Sirin_fml 47
Well, Rallets, maybe repetition will aid comprehension.
rallets 23
not really if its not adding anything that can help to the actual understanding of it
Sirin_fml 47
Actually, I had to re-read your own comment a couple of times, piecing together some form of grammatical order, before it clicked in my head. Which kind of proves my point; namely that I'm right and you're wrong. So there. Q.E.D.
Clover2009 0
"Chosen by the cast of skins," Well, that's just proof that this show is going to be as stupid as they are. :D
rallets 23
umm..no. seriously, you had to resort to grammEr insults? but im right :D
Sirin_fml 47
No, no, no, no, no, I think we're at an impasse here, and there was no E in my grammar. Wow, I feel like violently and repeatedly slapping you across the face with a small mammalian creature, but violence is almost never the answer, unless it's done in the cold dead of night, so we'll go with peaceful disagreement here... ... and yet you're so wrong.
rallets 23
lmfao dude, you wouldnt do a damn thing. good thing you can talk tough on the internet tho bruh which seems to be the only thing you do best :P but other than that, im right. oh and i just put the E in grammar so watch you blow a vessel, i know how you GN's like that :D out.
JERZBornNRaised 7
kid your not gonna win against siren, sorry to burst your lil bubble
rallets 23
..sigh
kornpuffs 0
wow what a bitch