Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
So you cheated on her with her? Oh ok that makes sense
Cheeley 17
Well lock the door in case she does.
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Comments (160)
PAZ5037 2
Did she come back??
mysterion115 14
Men, we don't know what we did.
mattlw 25
Good riddance to that ridiculous high maintenance drama queen. Don't look back OP. Find someone who is sane.
Obex 1
You couldn't have won either which way. Be glad that kinda crazy is gone, find someone better and when you bump into her next, say "this is who I was expecting."
shins 7
Psycho. If she comes back tell her you cheated on her with one of her other personalities. Hopefully they all leave for good.
LyraAlluse 25
You are better off without her.
pennies_lane 6
I think you should be HOPING the crazy bitch isn't coming back... fingers crossed op!
bjdog98 9
Lol you don't need someone that immature.
the_loveliest3 6
someone has some issues >.> better off without her of she's gunna get all crazy and leave for that.
Dcm210 19
She wasn't worth the trouble anyway.