Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
So you cheated on her with her? Oh ok that makes sense
Cheeley 17
Well lock the door in case she does.
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Comments (160)
HostEXE 8
That's where you interject with the cheesy "but with kisses that perfect it must be you" kinda line. Bitches love cheesy lines. YDI, OP.
melons 44
"Bitches love cheesy lines", eh? Aren't you a delight...
jem970 19
Really? A phrase millions of men have delivered to their women or to women they have sex with? Nope. Sorry. Chessy lines are for movies and not between a real couple. Ever.
thedictator_fml 12
these r the days when i feel bad about my gender...y cant women act like frikin normal human beings? its nice if we get some shit spared on our period but it doesnt mean we can bitch around about simply everything...gosh
LadyNatasha 4
I'd agree with you, but your manner of typing is atrocious...
LadyNatasha 4
You're better off without her, but FYL hard.
ballpython 15
well, that is completely rational (for those of you who don't know, this is sarcasm).
anniemeece 23
Man, when I tried to wake my boyfriend up from a nap with a kiss, he freaked out because suddenly something was invading his face, or something. I would have been thrilled if he started kissing back.
kittycat2007 18
Be thankful. Who knows what else quailifies as "cheating" in her warped little brain.
Cordite 6
I feel this is a no win situation. If you did take a look before kissing back I'm guessing should would have slapped you and said 'Were you expecting someone else' and left all the same. FYL.
tomatosz 23
Wish I could wake my boyfriend up like that... He would just sleep through it. I sometimes use a kiss on his lips to check if he's still sleeping because he won't respond if he is :p
B0nb0N09 12
Lol if you were asleep then she was assaulting you in your sleep.. Think she's got more probs than you kissig her back when you wake up
jem970 19
You get assult out of kiss? Wow you are a weird one to.
AndreKanaan 6
hey she kissed you while you were asleep you can say that's sexual harassment so then its even