Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
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Top comments
Saone_fml 27
So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.
cuponoodles34 10
does she really trust you so little???
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Comments (103)
terjesdottir 5
What? And why would you think that? I, as a girl, mastrubate all the time while in a relationship, and I certainly hope my boyfriend does it too if he wants to.
Kathts7 12
Eh... I don't know why you'd ********** before doing her. Of course it sucks if you come as soon as you put it in. But if you last for too long it will probably get unconfortable - and it might even start hurtig her. (At least my girlfriends and I feel this way. A lot of girls don't like it if it takes too long).
LGrey 5
So her only clue is that you lasted longer than usual before screaming.... Either she's extremely jealous or airing out a guilty conscience.
Hardwarre 7
Someone's a bit paranoid lol
skinflint 6
when you are young, shooting one out the chamber before seeing your GF is always a good idea. after the 3rd shot, it doesnt even go down and you can screw forever
adamlawl 6
You just can't win.
rebelvamp420 14
I'm actually gonna say your life does suck... And hers has got to be worse If after ONLY 10 mins she was thinking you shoulda been spent... So this shoulda been a FML post by her regarding your performance.
REFF_fml 9
At any point did you notice red blood pouring from her ******!?!?
gid189 3
Has The Inbetweeners taught you nothing??
shrode65 6
You do know there's no law against having sex twice. Dump the 1st load quickly, have a glass of wine, then rock it "long time" after 30 minutes. Problem solved.