Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Saone_fml 27
So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.
cuponoodles34 10
does she really trust you so little???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (103)
wvcheesehead1 9
Tell her you were pulling for her.
alexafml 5
She thought 10 minutes was a long sex session?
gmian 34
No, it was a great idea.. She just didn't see it coming.
shaww 28
I have to HAND it to ya man. Your in a pretty STICKY situation, i hope you can CUM up with a good excuse.
greenie213 23
Thanks for capitalizing the puns so that we could understand them. I wouldn't have gotten the jokes without that.
Michael_92 20
There are jokes in there?
CharresBarkrey 16
The only joke is their grammar.
hisgirlherboy 5
30- You're*
israelnotjacob 20
If she's so quick to assume that based on so little evidence she doesn't trust you and therefore your relationship isn't worthwhile. Yeah if there was actually a good reason to think so that might be understandable, but lasting a bit longer than usual proves nothing.
noelasis94 18
You showed her the meaning of you shook me all night long, and she doesn't want it.
CharresBarkrey 16
"You... Shook me 10 minutes long.."
gameover18 17
Proof that women are never 100% on anything.
InfamousLastWord 9
You need a better girlfriend. In that situation, you should've been able to own up to what you did and her respect you for it. You did do it for her. It was immature of her to jump to the conclusion that you were cheating.
Treyzania 16
That's a good idea! Except when she thinks that way...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
29- pun intended? ;)