Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Suspect
Today, I had to explain to yet another HR manager that no, my bruises, scratches, and scars do not mean I’m lying about being in an abusive marriage, it just means I’m a Muay Thai fighter who owns a cat who is a moody, scratchy little bastard. FML
Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Looksmaxxing
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY
Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Pure evil
Today, I got a call at work. My cat somehow managed to lock my boyfriend and dog out of the house. The rental manager charged us $25 to open the door. The cat seems quite pleased with herself. FML
Bad boy
Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML
Top comments
ebonyirony 29
200 for shoes is ridiculous for me. most I spent was 40.
christyxbee 15
Dog-Gone it! Hope you feel better soon OP!
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Comments (122)
LucaCoffey 6
That's unfortunate
shayshayshazam 14
What's really unfortunate is that she's married to a cat.
RussianFox 13
What's wrong with being married to a cat? My wife loves me for who I am.
shayshayshazam 14
57, solid comment.
SaltukBugraHan 8
Why that's preposterous! You're a fox, not a cat!
dabeast15 7
Here we go again with the sarcasm shut
christyxbee 15
Dog-Gone it! Hope you feel better soon OP!
VorpikeII 17
At least her husband wasn't a boxer. Then she'd have a black eye or 2. OP's coworkers obviously think OP's husband's bite is worse than his bark.
christyxbee 15
Maybe the dog was a boxer...
greenimk 4
Try wearing red lipstick that day, it'll cover the scratch and swelling.
natsaysheyyy 16
So that's what happens when you don't train your dog... Hmm...
ebonyirony 29
200 for shoes is ridiculous for me. most I spent was 40.
rattusrattus 19
Maybe it was five or six pairs of shoes? Of course, then the question becomes 'is that for everybody?' because who more than four active shoes? (1 formals and 3 casuals in case of turds and rain) On the plus side, at least your coworkers care about you.
Airman1988 9
Well with the exception of a few scenarios the most I could ever justify for a pair of shoes is $100 and it better be a damn good pair of jogging shoes. Most people who spend a lot on shoes though do it just for fashion and that's crazy to me. To each their own though
unknown_user5566 27
11- Even if OP bought several pairs of shoes, $200 all at once is pretty steep. I'm not against indulging guilty pleasures when it comes to shopping, but you'd think she'd be able to buy a variety of useful items, instead of just shoes. I'd say maybe OP is wealthy enough that the $200 isn't a big deal, but if that was the case, I doubt the co-workers would have made that joke.
capper44 18
#16, 29 & 30 : just wondering whats wrong with buying one pair of shoes for $200 or more!! Means you work for them, and you work your ass off to buy something you like. However FYI i ain't saying it for the sake of saying. As i have every pair of shoes $220 or more then plus tax, & as i said i work for that. So if someone is buying some costly shoes then there is nothing wrong, as its their personal choice lol :)
unknown_user5566 27
34- I see what you're saying, but in a marriage, you shouldn't make decisions like that on your own. My husband and I have a $100 dollar limit; if anything that costs more than that, we discuss the purchase with each other first.
capper44 18
#35 yes i understand that in marriage its different but if you cannot even buy something once in a while that you like, then what you all working for is a pair of cloth, food and roof. In short dream killer :/ coz i work two jobs just for the things i wanna buy plus sending money home :)
j4gerb0mblitz 6
I've spent $400 on Gucci dress shoes, I'd rather pay big money for a top of the line pair than $100 on 4 pairs of shoes that keep wearing out quickly.
unknown_user5566 27
39- The point of having the discussion isn't to "kill the dreams" of your spouse, but to ensure the money you are about to spend is available. If you don't communicate, you run the risk of spending money for something else that might be more important. For example, my husband texted me yesterday to ask if he could buy a new pair of shoes (seriously, weird coincidence given the FML story) which would've cost just over $100 dollars. I'm glad he asked, because I actually had to spend $130 on a new car battery.
christyxbee 15
DSW for the win.
capper44 18
#40 I KNOW RITE, its all what makes you feel is better... & #41 as i said i understand its different in marriage but it all depends what you guys make as a gross, as i have two jobs to make sure i have enough to spend on things i like or love. & yes i meant to say if your job is not enough to let u buy stuff that you might want/need then its time to change :) just saying.
lelo007 11
44- Some people are perfectly content not buying that $200 pair of shoes or $500 dollar Prada purse. Maybe Kylee and her husband are that way, my boyfriend and I don't have to have material things to make us happy. It isn't fair for you to say that maybe she needs a change if she can't have things she wants or needs, because you don't know her lifestyle. That's actually kind of rude.
MiloBear 11
Isn't the Australian dollar different to the US dollar? I don't live in either country but maybe the exchange rate is different. I know that if I pay 200 rand for something, it would probably cost around 30 dollars in America.
EnterSandman_fml 20
A really good pair of Chippewa work boots is $200. At least it was a couple of weeks ago when I had to buy some for the new job. Of course, were it not required for the job and something I'll get reimbursed for, I'd've bought the cheap ones lol.
Drigr 9
Ya, if I go buy a $999 new tv for the living room, and my wife goes out and spends $600 on a shopping spree and we don't discuss it first and only have $1500 to spend, we're then ******, and not in the way that I like...
Ohreo 2
True sneakerheads would be laughing so hard at these comments. Just replace these shoes with something you really like and try to step into their shoes and see why they would spend exorbitant amounts of money just on shoes. I like track and field and i spend a little over 100 dollars to buy spikes because i want to. Just a little food for thought.
peachesncreem 21
$200 for a good pair of shoes isn't that bad considering what things cost here in Australia.
vismund_cygnus 2
Shoes in Australia are extremely expensive compared to places like the US. Most I've spent is $225 on a pair of running spikes. Expensive, but not too uncommon.
capper44 18
#56 : seriously i am amazed that why it sound rude, if i suggested them that its time to change. As she said that if her husband wouldn't have texted then she have had lost her car battery money. Now i just replied according to her context that if one had to sacrifice or avoid buying thing that they like/liked, then it means which ever job they have is not enough for them. And FYI, in my home country if someone tells u this, we take it as a suggestion and sign of care by one mankind for another. Because its something they tell to us for our good to sometimes make us realize that there are tons of more opportunities lol But i have seen one thing that in any cold countries, everyone take it rude even if someone is trying to be just concerned :/ So try to think positive not negative lol
Steel_BZ 8
#95 I was thinking the same thing! Like really? U guys think that's a lot on shoes? All my shoes cost 110 + tax. Some more, some less. That's why I work, to buy what I want.
emmaa3451 11
That's really excessive ..
clueless05 12
Some people spend over $1000 on a pair of shoes. While it's certainly not cheap, $200 is not ridiculously expensive and outrageous.
EyesofStone 27
Seriously?? Man, and to think I felt guilty buying my $25 pair of tennis shoes...
breathemein 10
200$ is kind of ridiculous for a pair of shoes! But you might get a ear full tomorrow. Lol
letmehavemytea 21
Not really, for a pair of expensive and nice brand name shoes it's a pretty okay price.
doodlecloud 27
I'm with 49. In the fashion world, $200 is pretty much laughably cheap. A pair of a Louboutins will START at around $600 and go up to about 6 times that...heck, even a pair of Doc Martens or Uggs cost about $200 and, I don't know about you guys but where I'm from, everyone has at least one or the other, often a couple of pairs of both (yes, even 'poor' families on welfare somehow find the money). I don't have any shoes worth anywhere near that much but then I'm a broke student. However, I really wouldn't be surprised if a well off business woman wanted to spend that much or more, particularly if she's into fashion.
LiterOfCola 16
49: it looks like you are sucking a small penis in your picture. I thought I should inform you
LiterOfCola 16
49: From a distance it looks like you're sucking a small penis in your picture. I just thought I should inform you.
zango1 15
She might get a rear full tonight
gracehi 33
If people on welfare have $200 shoes, then they need to go to jail either for theft or fraud. I'm in the Navy, working full time earning every penny I make, and wearing sneakers because my $20 sandals crapped out and I can't afford to buy new ones right now. And my tax dollars are paying for other people's $200 shoes. Perfect.
doodlecloud 27
Don't worry, I'm in the UK so it's not your tax that's paying for them. I doubt it's fraud though.Those type of people often just don't know how/care to prioritize spending so, whilst they may have the latest iPhone, etc. they probably don't have decent food and have credit card debt.
The_Big_Boss 20
$200 on shoes is a little out there to me. But I've spent $500 on a single pocket knife before.. So I have no room to talk
fallingstarsxox 8
This made me lol for some reason
mario2012 18
Was idiot good plated and covered in jewels?
mario2012 18
Was it good plated*. Damn auto correct.
DKjazz 20
You didn't correct it...
RaveBlade 4
Look at the bright side, at least your dog is happy to see you! Mine still barks at me everytime i come home, even after 6 years..
DocBastard 40
They won't believe that your dog shit in your shoes either. They'll probably blame you husband for that, too.
perdix 31
Well, I don't believe it, either (ee). Kitty-cats can extend their claws and do major damage to idiots that waste money.
Fusion_Fear 14
$200 is a little too expensive..
JudgeTroll 6
No one gives a **** (pic reference)
clueless05 12
Not really. It's not cheap, but people can spend over $1000 on designer shoes.