Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
Tell her you are a drain monster fighter. Arm yourself with bleach, a plunger and a knife. Tell your daughter to wait outside, go into the bathroom. Make some grunting noises, come out and say the monster is dead. It should work, if not slap the husband and tell him to reassure your daughter.
turtlemanz 8
Lol nomnom
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Comments (159)
krysxkatastrophe 14
Someone has been reading their child too much Goosebumps....
life_lol 0
THAT IS AWESOME
The_Weirdo 10
No...Not really.
RabidBunny 10
Tell her that the drain monster is a friendly monster! Everyone knows that :P
teotsi 28
Well, the husband said it is gonna feast on her, so...
IsThatAHorse 5
Hey, don't hate on him. I was always scared of the drain monster. Who knows what he's been sucking in all these years...
citymayer 7
I remember being terrified of the drain.. It still kinda weirds me out.. I feel for you daughter. Your husband needs to be yelled at.
The_Hitdude 12
As punishment for your husband, watch Teeth with him. I'm scarred and someone only told me about it. *Grabs crotch and cringes*
gonad_gobbler 1
This fml reminds me of a riddle I heard one day: What is the quickest way to empty a tub if all you have is a shovel and a piece of string l? answer: pull the plug on the drain
alychick 5
You're jokes aren't funny at all. You should feel bad.
esines 9
Sounds like a joke, no a riddle to me. And it sucks. Here's a real joke: what'd the ghost say to the bee? Boobee!
fernclogger 5
Tell her you will join her in her fight against the drain monster!!!
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Show her that the plug stays in while she's in the bath, and take her out before you drain the water. Problem solved.
eyecon502 13
^Likes this!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Too bad it's not Facebook.
SkoomaKi 28
#IKnowRight (FYI I hate twitter)