Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
Tell her you are a drain monster fighter. Arm yourself with bleach, a plunger and a knife. Tell your daughter to wait outside, go into the bathroom. Make some grunting noises, come out and say the monster is dead. It should work, if not slap the husband and tell him to reassure your daughter.
turtlemanz 8
Lol nomnom
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Comments (159)
noothernamesfree 5
Immature husband?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
My dad scared me with the waste disposal system in the sink. He told me of I stuck my hand in the monsters mouth, he would bite it off. Guess who didn't listen?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
If*
VictoriaSchultz 8
I was always told IT would come get me.. -.-
plaguer 26
His name is Pennywise. Fun fact.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
^^ Stop! Your gonna give me night terrors! O:
MichellinMan 20
no. the dads not lying, the drain monster is this creepy spider that can come up your drain. I know this because I have them. your father tells no lies!
wannaplay 1
I am afraid of the drain. There's a lit of shit in it.
LightningCactus 12
I was personally afraid of the little gnome men in my front yard.
Mommyof2_91 10
I don't even want to think about the gnome men. *shivers*
xxmckenzierae 5
I was always scared to sit on the toilet at night. Thinking the chuckie doll would come cut me. Lol seriously, my poor childhood.
glenzhao2 16
Don't be scared of the bathtub fairy!
heidelbergmeme 5
#125 what's the bathtub fairy?
VoteForTaco 8
129- It's a 40 year old hairy virgin guy with short shorts and fairy wings that molests you when you don't want to take a bath.
labanana_fml 5
Inmature or Troll Dad. You Chose
turtlemanz 8
Lol nomnom
hawkey126 0
This FML is much funnier when you read 4 as 14.
stevenJB 25
74) wai...what?
ripresno 10
Ya what do you mean 74??
yummylicious 5
Someone forwarded me a text about a girl that lives in a drain and will kill you if you don't forward it. Scared me shitless
clemsongirl13 0
Good luck with her and I wish you the best!????
olpally 33
Your profile pic is the drain monster!!! *runs away*
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
No, it's the troll face.
noothernamesfree 5
some trolls can be pretty scary, ruining threads and such D:
olpally 33
32- it's called making a joke, I know it's the troll face... Troll...
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
Yeah it was a shitty attempt to make a witty commment. It didn't work.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
46- Yea, neither did yours :/
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
65- My second comment was referring to my first comment.
GracesDelirium 9
Drain monster? This happened to me when I was a child. :c Just reassure her the best you can.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Just bring a taser in with you to make sure that nasty monster ain't going to get you and you'll come out smelling like a bed of roses every time.
KeyboardWarrior 10
I think you'd smell more like fried chicken. The electricity from the taser plus the water's ability to conduct said electricity (really well) would more than likely roast you to a fine, golden crisp.
DrJesse 10
86,I disagree. Burning flesh smells nothing like fried chicken. If it did,I don't think my neighbors would complain as much.
Fannypack7 0
Husbands do dumb things but their worth it! Lol jk jk their a-holes lol
noothernamesfree 5
There, they're, and their. There is a difference.
krysxkatastrophe 14
This comment hurts to read.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Welp, he edited his comment. Just going to leave this up here... Don't mind me... *Whistles*
noothernamesfree 5
Lol i know I changed it once I realized my amazing amount of fail
KeyboardWarrior 10
Haha good thing I noticed in time. Would have been barraged by an army of angry thumbs.
FMLshark 12
So what about their a-holes? You never finished your statement!
upyourzlolz 11
No no no, their a-holes are wide open, ready for you to peg them at any given moment.
1094568 1
I am sorry.... 5- what are you doing outside your kitchen?
petloverlcd 7
FMLShark: Their a-holes laugh out loud...
mollysticks 10
This gave me a headache.
SkoomaKi 28
Tell her you are a drain monster fighter. Arm yourself with bleach, a plunger and a knife. Tell your daughter to wait outside, go into the bathroom. Make some grunting noises, come out and say the monster is dead. It should work, if not slap the husband and tell him to reassure your daughter.
EnterSandman_fml 20
What if she wants to see the mutilated monster corpse? She'd have to dig out some kind of hairball or something and make it look all bloody and shit.
The_Hitdude 12
^Yes, because every four-year-old thinks that their parent could be lying to them, and therefore wants to see the mangled, bloody corpse of the monster they fear. Is this your logic?
EnterSandman_fml 20
^ Yeah, but then again I've been hit in the head too many times and don't want kids. Then again, I do remember being suspicious as a toddler when I noticed the Easter Bunny had the same handwriting as my father, right down to spelling mistakes.
bubbly31 0
You could read as a toddler?
TheBlazingSmurf 1
Genius
ss_20_xx 14
Ahh people and their baseless logics.
HALAL_fml 0
U are a genius xD
bglen21 4
Lol the monster is real!!! No but seriously, that sucks!
ChrisG93 8
Agreed, that monster is seriously scary. I avoid drains when possible.
immaMonsta 8
Wow, your husband is an idiot. Next time let him bathe her so he can deal with her behavior.
Bladian 5
He was joking around with the daughter. Most parents do that. Get over yourself.
The_Hitdude 12
^Hmmm... Nothing in 8's comment indicates self-absorption, so why say 'get over yourself'? And in reply to the rest ogf your comment, the husband's 'joke' is now creating complications with bathing the daughter. I'm sure if you were the one wrestling your child into the tub because your spouse decided to be 'funny', you would feel the same way as OP.
The_Hitdude 12
*of
immaMonsta 8
#70 I wouldn't joke around with my kid like that under any circumstances. Why would anyone intentionally frighten their kid to the point where they're scared to take a bath?
Bladian 5
Because its a joke. Jesus you're all going to be awful parents if you can't have fun with your kids.
SkoomaKi 28
#128 - I see where you're coming from, but don't you think it's a little over the top if the child is too scared to go for a simple bath? Yes it's fun to "scare" children, but not to that point mentioned in the FML.
laden_swallow09 35
128 - You would be not just an awful parent but an awful person if you think scaring the living buhjeebus out of a little girl to the point of struggling against taking a bath is funny.
Lunaa94 6
Buhjeebus? Awesome word of the day.
immaMonsta 8
#128 So I'd be a horrible parent if I didn't scare my kid to death and possibly scar them for a really long time? Well, guess I'll just be a horrible parent then. That kind of joking around just isn't funny to me.-
egc573 40
Poor kid. The only monster I knew about at that age was the Cookie Monster. One can only guess what the "Drain Monster" chants when he's hungry.
KeyboardWarrior 10
*Grunt* *Nomnomnom* "MMM. HAIRBALL." *Grunt*
CaramelMacchiato 13
At that age, I was scared of: Bloody Mary and Samara (the girl from The Ring who lives in a well). I was afraid of mirrors, and wouldn't watch TV after 7:00 P.M. It's nice looking back at all of the things that made you tear and start laughing.
ycrem0n 21
What?! I thought the drain monster wouldn't bother you anymore as soon as you turn 3. My whole life is a lie.
doctorhook86 25
If you're upset about what they told you about the drain monster, then I suggest you mind your ankles when you approach your bed...
CaramelMacchiato 13
And the next time you're walking up a flight of stairs in the middle of the night, start sprinting, because yes; there really is a demon behind you.