Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML
Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML
Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML
Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML
Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML
Today, it's my birthday. It's also the day of my grandmother's funeral. I spent most of my 21st birthday in a cemetery. FML
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Top comments
djgoreo 12
"**** you gran"? For what exactly do you intend to use your first birthday condom, sir?
User57777 13
Troll Grandma!
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Comments (60)
sig4life 18
Grandma 1, you 0 + a full pack of condoms.
perdix 31
Well, maybe if you talked to her, she'd get you something you could use, like hand lotion, a Real Doll or a gift card to the local whorehouse.
RissaLea 8
That's what I was thinking, might as well pay for something useful. Maybe he's grandma will even give him tips on how to pick up a women to use them in the future.
RissaLea 8
His*
yeti37 16
I can get a gift card to Ho Depot? Awesome! My birthday is coming up.
perdix 31
#42, you can get a gift card for either of the Big Box stores (provided you like big boxes -- I prefer them tight, but to each his own), Ho Depot or Blowes.
krazykyra 12
I wish my grandmother joked with me like that. She's a stereotypical baptist prude. Be thankful for your grandmother's sense of humor!
shadawnnn 7
Ouch
PipingMouse 14
Well you could always be creative (think water balloons)! Or you could just re-gift them with all the other gifts you don't use.
ohSNAPyall 27
UGH. Most condoms are lubricated. Please don't make lubey water balloons.
hotPinklipstick 24
Fun fact: condoms can hold up to a gallon or more of water, and can also be used to make a fire. OP, just think about it as your gran giving you the gift of survival if you ever get stranded or encounter a zombie apocalypse. Or you can use to the conventional way and actually have sex for once.
hotPinklipstick 24
Use them* Damn it. Sorry guys and girls, I didn't get to edit it in time.
Crystal55621 19
Hide all the condoms and give her the empty box while smiling.
lochiamochia 25
Ahhh... Condoms...... The fabric of our lives.
lionheart822 13
Yikes! FYL OP.
dwc2134 5
Your grandmother sounds awesome to me. Dude, she gave you condoms for your birthday, who the **** cares what she said?
noelasis94 18
Well isn't that special? A moment every grand kid should share with grandma how would the hall mark read?