Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML
Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with the team I lead and some of the bigwigs. I was discussing our recent successes, when one of my underlings decided to be a clown and made a dumb pun. The bigwigs all snorted and one said, "The half hour of boring drivel was worth it for that." FML
Today, I ordered custom birthday balloons online. The company printed my age as 82 instead of 28. The balloons arrived on the morning of the party, and there wasn't enough time to replace them. My guests spent the evening asking about my "remarkable longevity." FML
Today, I bought some party poppers to surprise my roommate to celebrate her recent promotion. I pulled one the strings too early, in the lobby of our building. A hundred tiny paper stars rained down while my neighbor, who had just spilled her grocery bag out of fright as she entered the building, yelled at me like I was a lunatic. FML
Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
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Top comments
tj4234 36
I don't see why this is FYL, considering it wasn't you that did it. Also, that's a real waste of Johnnys
Harpy20 24
Well if he was dense enough to screw up that badly, he definitely deserves to be fired. Turn him in before he takes you down with him.
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Comments (92)
Jharrist89 12
Nobody calls the man named Dick "Dick".. It's Richard lol!
buddy51 23
"Richard" Cheney?
mr_sarcastic416 29
#17 in that particular case, they'd call him Dick
Jemm_fml 29
Richard Whitman was not named Richard Whitman.
Fluffydemise 18
Dick Nixon? Am I grasping the nuances of this correctly? :P
monnanon 14
hmm im sure richard van dyke agrees with you.
TheRandomIndian 17
Tom Richard and Harry
stargirl_95 24
You mean to tell me that all this time that cartoon was actually named Richard Dastardly? My childhood is ruined
DubstepCrazyXD 11
My lord, never seen so many thumbed down comments in one FML on the first page. O.o
Kalipczo 21
How do you even get dick from Richard... And since your colleague did it he's the one who is going to take the heat. Yeah it's still embarrassing and a face palm times two but hey at least it's not your ass on the line.
lexa1love 16
Dick is a very popular nickname for Richard, at least where I'm from I know four or five.
Kalipczo 21
But I don't understand how it's derived
perdix 31
#16, wear a low-cut dress and give him a beer. It's not that hard. . . I mean, difficult.
lexa1love 16
Oh, jeez I actually learned this back is high school. Something with the Middle Ages? That they had nicknames that rhymed with their names. Richard=Rick=Dick Idk I can't google at the moment, that might be able to explain it better. :)
Jemm_fml 29
Well F his life for being so stupid. Pretty sure Don will be mad about this for a long time.
possy 19
That must have been hard seeing the look on their faces!!!
bebopoo621 14
This situation wasn't really protected enough was it ?
nnnope 26
I will never understand why some people named Richard prefer to be called Dick.
RedPillSucks 33
Because Dick was a popular abbreviation for Richard long before Dick became a popular name for penis. Also, maybe they're proud of their penis. *I don't name my penis "Johnson", I name it after myself... "Dick".*
wildfiresgirl 7
Oh the irony!
Futacy 30
If any of them break, then I guess we know where NOT to buy condoms from.
cmb8280 24
Wouldn't the balloons have been cheaper, on top of everything else? What was he thinking?
Fluffydemise 18
"I quit?"
Jharrist89 12
I'm assuming they all come from wallets.
Shmatterhorn 38
Problem was, the coworker was not thinking.