Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML
Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML
Today, my boss complained about how his performance bonus is too small, as he expected it to be the total amount accrued rather than a percentage. He also made the decision to not give any of the employees profit sharing this year, because the company didn't beat the budgeted increase in profits. FML
Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML
Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML
Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML
Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML
Today, our company hit our sales goals, an all-time high since before the pandemic. Our reward after working so hard all year long? A goodie bag with a keychain with the company logo on them. When I suggested a bonus, my boss said, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” FML
Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML
Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML
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Top comments
eddyg94 11
Pretend to be on his side, and advise him to get the girliest sports car you can find! Sit back and enjoy the result...
Angelrose2004 17
I love how bosses always get credit for an employee's hard work. But when it comes to bad work, it's the employees fault. Sorry, OP.
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Comments (72)
eddyg94 11
Pretend to be on his side, and advise him to get the girliest sports car you can find! Sit back and enjoy the result...
snowboarder531 5
Girliest sports car = Mazda Miata
cookie_3008 4
"Sit back and enjoy the results"?? You say this like if the boss was really going to fall for it. I'm sure he is an asshole, not an idiot. Just sayin'. =)
EnterSandman_fml 20
Lexus SC convertible for sure. Miatas are pretty popular as track day cars, and the racing crowd loves them. They're also not very expensive. The Lexus on the other hand, he could blow a good sum of money on for very little actual sport factor.
evan_789 7
Definitely a Porsche Boxter.
DogsPaw 16
Retail on the Boxter is terrible due to their shitty engines. Shitty as in breaks a lot and costs a fortune to repair.
norotors 16
Yea, the Lexus sounds like a good plan, I hate those things, gay as shit. Miatas are amazing cars, don't bash them.
DogsPaw 16
Boxster*
norotors 16
Toyota solora as well. It is a horrible, horrible thing.
DeadxManxWalking 27
Paint it pink too.
xattitudegurlx 13
Hmm i wonder if one plans to smash a new car.
COOL__Coal 12
Well to be fair he is the manager and until OP is all op's work will go forgotten.
littlegreycells 6
2 - Your dog is sooo cute. I love labs :)
thatsucks42 4
Irrelevant comment is irrelevant.
ICastillo 25
Revenge OP piss in his air vents. Not to harmful just the smell will be inside the car for a long time.
tjv3 10
Better yet rub stinky cheese on the manifolds and throw parm cheese on the radiator
TwiztedYuri 9
use a syringe to inject about 2eggs into the sealing tubes on the door and let the heat do the rest. or mix chlorine and rubbing alcohol in a plastic bottle Do NOT shake until you put it in his car.
ariannaa_fml 17
Now its time to make the company's monthly revenue go down!
snowboarder531 5
That's a pretty big damn bonus if he can buy a sports car with it.
DMarie217 0
No shit Sherlock
MDTeddy 13
Why a sports car? They have like no room. I am sorry about hating on them. I just like having room like a Suburban for example. Also, how would one go about having sexual intercourse in one?
Drigr 9
Muscle car > sports car
TheBlackCops 0
Muscle cars can be sports cars, and sports cars can be muscle cars.
ConesOfDeath 0
Muscle cars are only good at driving in straight lines, being shaped like bricks, and chugging gas.
Angelrose2004 17
I love how bosses always get credit for an employee's hard work. But when it comes to bad work, it's the employees fault. Sorry, OP.
onlychildFTW 34
That's how management does things. Positive work is the managers doing. Negative work is the employees doing.
bettyc4 26
Key it!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
**** that! Steal the keys and the car, and drive it off a cliff (not before jumping out)
Briscuit 24
Tell him insurance is overrated. Oh no! Some random thugs trashed his ride? Well isn't that unfortunate.
COOL__Coal 12
Real original.
Angelrose2004 17
Original or not, I still thought it was pretty funny.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Or totally impractical since insurance is mandatory or you can't drive your car...
PYLrulz 17
In some states, I believe insurance is optional. I forget which ones though
unknown_user5566 27
36- Two things. 1) As far as I know, insurance is only mandatory right when you get your license (at least in Arizona). If that's the case, driving without insurance is doable, as long as you don't get caught (not saying that is the right thing to do). 2) It's a joke. Impracticality is the basis of most jokes. Frankie says "relax".
T1A2Z3 35
I think mostly it's just third party insurance that's mandatory
groupleader 7
You do know that there are (at least) 2 uses for car keys.
thatoneguy79 10
Starting cars and unlocking cars?
Lauren324 18
Keying cars ;)