Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML
Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML
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Top comments
alstbv12 13
I swear my dogs aim for my balls when they jump...I think it's retribution for having their balls chopped off.
perdix 31
You shouldn't have trained it to fetch balls.
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Comments (128)
K_kanaka 26
Ouch
SkoomaKi 28
Is what what my eyes did when I saw your profile picture.
xoconnie 8
Nothing else to say but ouch! Feel better man
chabooty27 7
The dog just wanted a bone... If you know what I mean
22cute 17
Isn't this why you train your dog not to jump up on people? Doesn't that kinda make it a ydi for not teaching your dog good manners? I mean I feel for you, I do. Still, ydi.
22cute 17
Isn't this why you train your dog not to jump up on people? Doesn't that kinda make it a ydi for not teaching your dog good manners? I mean I feel for you, I do. Still, ydi.
violetsweety 26
Dogs usually jump on their owners out of excitement...
chowE_fml 4
Doggonit !
COOL__Coal 12
Wow all you had to say was ouch
KeyboardWarrior 10
Clearly...
thiscrazything 1
33 I agree with you. It is not hard at all to teach a dog not to jump up. I hate it when you go to a friends house and their dog is not trained, they jump all over you and ruin your clothes, and can scratch you. A dog can be excited to see you, and obediently not jump up.
SuxForUButtmunch 2
33 actually yes you can train your dog not to jump on people, but many people train them so they don't jump on OTHERS. For example: my dog is very well trained and never jumps on anyone except my dad and me. We love him so much we don't mind that he shows us how much he loves us and missed us throughout the day.
22cute 17
Training dogs is actually kinder than letting them do what comes naturally. An untrained dog is a bored dog. They like learning new things and having that time when you interact with them. And when they behave well more people are happy to see them. Basically, all the same reasons you should teach kids good manners. It's a kindness to the child.
_MidnightLuna_ 17
Sorry to hear that bro.
therealslim 15
Would it not have been far easier to just click 'I agree, your life sucks'? Or are you one of those wanna-be first commenter bastards?
peoplearestupido 0
uhh wouldnt it have been better if.you just thumbed down #2's comment instead of bitching at #2? why do you have to be a dick.
ALlamaOnFire 20
Really? You're not really contributing much either. I know, neither am I but whatever, I dislike hypocrites.
ICastillo 25
All you guys should just fight and end this feud.
27BronxBombers 12
A fight to the death obviously
A13X33STJ 0
Battle royale
Eiregal2 10
won't someone please think of the children!! THE CHHHHIIILLLDDDRREEEN!!!
brianfantana32 10
Shake your dicks, this pissing contest is over
wallandpiece 16
Oh, bollocks.
kamakazi1 5
*Oh, ballocks. FTFY.
wallandpiece 16
What was 98 trying to correct?
Jeremypooit 5
It was right the first time...
Madame_Javert 4
Pretty sure it was meant to be a pun. Seeing as the dog hit him in the BALLS. :)
OffWhite81 4
THAT BITCH!
Ch0sen 13
No it was only trying to give OP a high five for the successful operation! They were innocent intentions that unfortunately landed on the highest spot its paws could reach!
sillycart 9
Nut shot!
HannahLouise96 13
I feel like thumbing down simply because of your profile picture.....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Where's the cute little seal that shouts " GAAAAAY"? We need him.
sillycart 9
Honestly u think it bothers us when I call them gay. We totally agree. And idc if u don't like them. More for me! ;)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That made no sense.
SkoomaKi 28
#55 - You do realize you are a sad pathetic girl who has been subjected to a "band" which has been specifically targeted at young insecure girls? While you gargle the shit they spew out, real music is dying. Rant over.
snnoell_18 1
6- i would have said something about your comment, but i took it back after i saw that you mentioned avatar the last airbender/legend of korra in your bio.
sillycart 9
72- is that good or bad...?
sillycart 9
71- just to let you know their songs are real music cuz they can sing without being auto tuned and they don't lipsync. Unlike a lot of music.
SkoomaKi 28
#84 - Music requires talent. None of the one direction "boys" can play instruments and it is very likely they're auto tuned too.
sillycart 9
86- they were on the xfactor and came in 3rd. Without auto tune. And they can all play the guitar.
zooey08 1
Yeah that one's not as good.
alstbv12 13
I swear my dogs aim for my balls when they jump...I think it's retribution for having their balls chopped off.
igive 29
an eye for an eye, or in this case balls for balls
trucker67 10
Sorry but Im laughing so hard I can't think of anything witty to say :)
queen_awks 16
So just don't say anything at all?
SkoomaKi 28
#62 - Don't be silly, that would be logical.
rainbowglass 5
What is the meaning of this "logical"?
loserman67 36
That is the mandate of every dog regardless of gender. When they get near the lap of a human male, they MUST make every attempt to walk on, step on or jump on your nuts and or dick.
zooey08 1
Well of course. It's even written down in the 10 commandments. Right? No? Oh never mind...
JRFaceless 8
This would be a better story if you didn't keep changing tenses.
ICastillo 25
I don't know if you noticed but there is a herpe on your tongue?
olpally 33
Tell that to someone who cares... As for op, that really does suck balls.. Lmao
Opheliac73 8
Where does OP change tenses?
KeyboardWarrior 10
The FML was edited, but the mods (assuming they corrected it) decided to leave her comment up to make her look like a fool. A fool!
GothicAngel17 24
Ahh the FML mods :') gotta love them!
hockeyoceancity 13
Ahhh! I just squirmed in my seat, ow man you must have made this FML 1 hour after it happened after you woke up from passing out from the pain. Don't punish your dog though! he just missed you. Dog is man's best friend!
KeyboardWarrior 10
But balls' worst enemy.
Awsumuzzie 12
But balls make men.
apintsizepeanut_fml 4
Balls make women too! There would be no babies otherwise.