Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had not only shredded my favorite couch cushion but had also attempted to eat the TV remote. I have no idea how to change the channel manually. It looks like I'll be watching Animal Planet forever. FML
Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Bitches be crazy.
tj5810 21
That happens to everyone. *wink wink*
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Comments (127)
DocBastard 40
You're the same idiot who tries to blame his farts on the dog too, aren't you? AREN'T YOU??
ObsceneOblivion 4
Oh no, are you telling us the dogs are gonna be like the cravendale cats now? But seeking revenge for the blaming of farts?
KingCeltic77 18
I'm not sure if shell believe this one...
Marrach 7
Who's Shell?
gracehi 33
"No, baby, it wasn't me! It was Wilfred!"
LaPush_ 7
Yeah, right (;
wickedninja918 1
but i promise it was the dog
tswizz 13
If your girlfriend doesn't allow you to watch ****, the she has some serious security issues.
BunBunBabe 8
Most girls don't appreciate their guy watching ****, it's only a good thing when you watch it TOGETHER then it's sexier and the two of you can reenact some scenes
Cazzybum 11
[Citation needed]… so nobody in a relationship is ever allowed to fap to a bit of visual stimulation when they're alone? **** off.
ChelseaGrin112 14
OR maybe she just finds it disgusting? :/
kikis_momma 5
Your girlfriend shouldn't be so uptight
TurquoiseJesus 15
I think he meant that if she had a problem with **** (not necessarily that she does or doesn't watch it), she was probably uptight. Assuming that is true, idunno where the assumption that she has a problem with **** came from.
wickedninja918 1
no but his gf freaking about him watching some softer **** does make her uptight
BlazeY2J 1
Good boy
darkhakai 18
I'm assuming the dog also paid for your subscription to it as well? ;p
thats_my_job 11
That was my first thought as well lol
_krystallynn_ 11
haha he probably paid for it, but watched it when his gf wasnt around. the fml isnt that the dog changed the channel, its that his gf knows nowXD
sophiekat 19
I think your dog likes human ****
maddygirl820 10
That's what they all say ;)