Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had not only shredded my favorite couch cushion but had also attempted to eat the TV remote. I have no idea how to change the channel manually. It looks like I'll be watching Animal Planet forever. FML
Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Bitches be crazy.
tj5810 21
That happens to everyone. *wink wink*
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Comments (127)
pharmacy 1
That sounds a lot like "the dog did it" when your aunt rips a gnarly one.
_charliebrown_ 3
First dude, you have that channel and yeah suurrreee your dog just happened to run over those numbers for that exact channel. Probably on 'last'.
thassel8 7
Are you an adult or a child? You can watch whatever you like and if she has a problem with it then she should leave.
AZ10er94 7
What a horn dog.
amisenho 11
Let me guess: that's your story, and you're sticking to it? I didn't realize **** channels were part of regular cable packages these days. It seems like if you're scared of your girlfriend finding out about your habits, you should be having a talk with her about them instead of trying to hide them. At least reassure her that you find her attractive enough to actually have a sex life with her, unless you don't have a sex life with her and spend most of your time watching ****.
rprsupercar 0
Get that dog a girlfriend..!