Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song with a class of thirty 20-somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML
Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
adameeo 21
Even better than the original!
jojimugo 20
Those godamm BItchy spiders
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Comments (113)
outoftown 27
Are you starting to feel itchy and bitchy yet? I am; I can't get her version out of my head.
Sandsh8rk 36
Sounds like sex position.
BigL99 20
Ha sounds like a good memory to reminisce on later down the road.
qirde_15 5
row row row your boath.. genthly down the ith-tream.. merrily merrily merrily life ith like a dthream..
jmelsha11 11
Wrong song.
qirde_15 5
yes i know that fact
Mf2307 15
that is just too funny they need a teacher that can teach the song and say all the words right
heliraptor 13
In other news, this reminds me of the little "fire ****" kid on YouTube, I love little kids with speech impediments :3
breezyblue33 19
It's cute when they still have the babytalk thing going on in kinder and 1st, but when they hit upper elementary, speech impediments and such aren't so cute anymore...
buckdharma 38
The itchy bitchy spider, had won another bout Down went the meds which knocked the spider out Up came the sun, with more of the insane Cause the itchy bitchy spider is on the rag again
poccocurantes 7
I like your version better.
CueTheMusic 22
I literally burst out laughing. Thankyou for a grest start to my day OP!
xoAbiox 18
Funniest xml ever!
CrazyManNo9 29
Thought at first it was FML but then I got it. Very good!
xoAbiox 18
Autocorrect... meant fml
poccocurantes 7
I know that song. The itchy bitchy spider crawled up the water spout. There she saw her husband and cussed the bastard out.
buckdharma 38
#40 I like your version better.
cloudygirl5 16
What a beautiful song you made.