Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, my mom had been in a really bad mood. She got in the car to take me to work, and without thinking, started backing up. The garage door was only half open, and now has a huge dent in it. FML
Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML
Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML
Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML
Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML
Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML
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Top comments
realggirl 0
Hehe. (: *He* deserved that one.
EMR_fml 0
I approve of your attempt to murder Ed Cullen. If I saw a glittery gay vampire I'd probably try to mow him down with my car too.
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Comments (165)
realggirl 0
Hehe. (: *He* deserved that one.
jakeidk 0
ydi for being a woman driver!
Rocco1990 0
Was it because you thought you would hit a person? or because you actually thought it was Robert Pattison? If so YDI for liking a complete piece of crap series.
crazy_bitch_9999 0
funny
infiniti_G 0
YDI FOR HAVING A CAR
loveconverse 0
#86 that series is awesome
PottentialFML 0
if your a 14 year old chick who is yet to see a quality movie, read a book, and have an IQ in the double digits
haydenshaw 0
ha!
zawed 1
Obviously she can't be a 14-year-old chick. SHE CAN DRIVE.
johncow123 0
ohio?
Mest_Is_Wicked 0
You need to learn English.
Secret_Fire_King 0
Maybe she was scared cuz he is a vampire.. I mean, when his sparkle meter gets to full bore he stalks and impregnates (with demon babies) every chick in sight.. Btw: I made up a new term: Twisexuality: Basically, a sexual preference for *********** and necrophelia.. Twisexuals: Fat, horny, obsessed pre-teens who want to **** animals or dead people from cartoons..
subcultured 0
vampires don't have reflections
DawnFireAngel 0
She/he did say that she/he was scared... I don't think she/he likes the series.
Styna_fml 0
something is wrong with this scenario. if you were backing out of the garage, it would have been fully open. I don't see how your cat would have hit the garage door, maybe the sides of the garage?
shadow455 2
im going to say ydi for not running him down and trying to save everyone from more horrible movies
johncow123 0
in ohio u can get it like wen ur 14 is wat i ment foo
mhy94 2
wait, if you were backing up to get out of the driveway, shouldn't you have been on reverse, not drive?
bobnorris 0
your dad is funny
sukhdeep 4
101-that series rules not rocks rules!!!!
tortise34 4
exactly what i was thinking...thats trippy :)
sarah2144 14
Yeah, and if you were backing out of your garage, wouldn't the car have been in reverse? Meaning you would've hit the cutout, not the garage?
rogue_211 0
Twighlight......it torments us all
HanaxD 0
*Twilight.
Freeze_fml 17
*Crap.
Dosakaru 0
******** Garbage
fawfulster 11
*Bullshit some ****** with no literary criteria would read (note that it also implies sex after marriage is good and that the characters all live in the 1st phase of falling in love: "perfection"); Literary garbage; Plotless story; Shit that ruins everything, even FML.com (Mylifeistwilight.com).
V_S234 0
And yet, it's one of the most popular things in the world. Hm....
smoshiee 8
*Tinkerbell and mandogwoman fight over a pair of pants
suicide_solution 0
sparkling gingers are quite scary
fireandice27 0
We make that our goal. Not the sparkling bit, but being simultaneously ginger and scary.
Bbhd05 0
Now that is my idea of a prank.
DiTHL 0
wtf if you were backing out..why did you go forward? make sense next time
spitfire35 3
Think, next time.
Kathy24 0
#4: just because she stepped on the gas doesn't mean she went forward. When the car is in reverse and she steps on the gas, guess what... it's gonna go backwards. duh. think.
lordmoe 0
The real question is why was the garage door closed if OP was backing out?
imperfectclarity 0
That's what I was wondering!
mps1969 8
Read before you reply there's nowhere where it say forward .
mps1969 8
The garage door opener was probably in the process of opening when they freaked out .
chellinha93 0
LOL thank you #8... And that was good OP, at least your dad learned a lesson... FYL
RaKum12 0
I agree wit #4 n she's sexy.
hawknight 0
Exactly what I was wondering.
ceinaworus 0
stupid *****. she backed out of the garage and the cut out was near the door behind her. she got scared and gunned it instead of braking and hit the dood and took off the door. she was in reverse dipshits. I know this because she was "backing out". go to ******* school stupid *****.
Dante15 3
If that was me I would've backed out and hit him for sure. Twilight is stupid.
fireandice27 0
That truly is the stuff of nightmares
alphaxzero 0
makes no sense. if you are backing out of the driveway, how did u hit the garage? if u were in the garage, shouldnt the door be open? stupid.
EMR_fml 0
I approve of your attempt to murder Ed Cullen. If I saw a glittery gay vampire I'd probably try to mow him down with my car too.
Critter456 0
LMFAO #10
WeStayCrunk24x7 0
why didn't you see if before you got in the car?
Musicislife91 0
Poor garage door; it had to pay the price. Actually, I've hit the gas pedal a few times in a moment of panic. Fortuantely, I react in time to not damage anything