Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, my mom had been in a really bad mood. She got in the car to take me to work, and without thinking, started backing up. The garage door was only half open, and now has a huge dent in it. FML
Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML
Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML
Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML
Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML
Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML
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Top comments
realggirl 0
Hehe. (: *He* deserved that one.
EMR_fml 0
I approve of your attempt to murder Ed Cullen. If I saw a glittery gay vampire I'd probably try to mow him down with my car too.
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Comments (165)
heykelsey 0
remarks from perdix?
hi5534 3
because every1's afraid of rapists :P, its ok op, you made the right choice of flooring it over that emo vampire's face :P
FMLtimes316 0
hahaha I thought u were gonna say something like: "when I saw it, I backed up to see if Edward Cullen really was a vampire. he's not." I was like well this is gonna be dumb. lol(:
Ohhellnaw 0
LOL
QueenCrunch 0
If you had known it was fake, would you had tried to hit it?
lpwTJtilli 6
lol for thinking it was a real twilight gay/******/not a man/rob paterson
btwilysfm 0
i probably would've taken out the bb gun.
jesusstolemybike_fml 0
Yes, because a BB gun is much more dangerous than a car. Good thinking! I only pray that when the zombie apocalypse starts, you'll be by my side with your BB gun.
PhillyFox 0
Don't worry. I would've floored it if I saw him, too.
tdawgheath 0
Good to know how you'd react if you saw a deer. You should stop driving to save yourself and others.
tdawgheath 0
However, cuz it's Edward Cullen. It's worth losing half a garage door to take him out. So I guess...Happiness goes to me?