Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I ended up shitting myself when trying to pass what I thought was a small amount of gas, only for it to be diarrhea. I turned 37 last month. Never trust a fart, right? FML
Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML
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Top comments
Emmiii_fml 18
I don't see any faults in this 100% bulletproof theory. I shall remember this and never pass gas from both ends ever again. Imploding wouldn't be a nice death. Thank your dad for warning us!
bella_nana347 23
He probably read it on the internet. Everything on the internet is true
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Comments (59)
speakfreely 21
How do you pass gas from both ends? What's the second end?
Geckosrock99 33
Mouth (burping) and Butt (farting)
sierra_ky 19
This is why we can't have anything nice.
ThreeSheets 14
Please!! Let him know not to drink soda and eat pop rocks at the same time!! Remember the kid in the Wheaties commercial!!
rinzlerkitty94 31
I literally just did though, and I'm still here.
SecundusSecunda 27
I can't wait for him to hear about the sneeze-burp-fart
RockstarJAy 16
*Burp Snart
militarybrat 21
Eh hes stupid. Sometimes you just cant fix stupid.
moo77_fml 20
And the Big Bang theory begins lol
lalala1111 4
Hahaha, I feel your pain. If I were you I will shot him and put both of you out of misery! all Kidding aside, its best to just let him be and both of you will fell much better.
Host2phats 21
its scary to question this possibility ie spontaneous combustion
ekalfhsa 2
Tell him quite basically that the continuous tube is not continuous - it is sectioned, into upper and lower digestive tracts, and separated by sphincters and valvey things. That's what prevents reflux and the contents of your stomach from pouring down your throat when you're upside down.