Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
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Top comments
evilplatypus 39
If your dad's that drunk, the microwave probably would've won the fight anyway.
DocBastard 40
Dad: Why can't you ever *hic* heat anything evenly? Microwave: ... Dad: I asked you a question! Microwave: ... Dad: Answer me, damn you! Microwave: *ding* Dad: YOU'RE GROUNDED, SMARTASS!
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Comments (66)
Carli_M 8
I would just stay away from him until he was sober....
iamsolid 11
Im sure the microwave was just as irritated.
emeraldisle 30
Having a conversation with an inanimate object is always the sign of a good time.
rizzybear 4
You don't come in between a man and his microwave, too much bacon has been cooked more quickly that any human ever could.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
WWE Smackdown Raw: Dad vs. Microwave!
WCARlover 35
You could say the argument was...heated. Ba dum tss..okay even I know that was really bad:/ haha
khaosblade91 6
Lmfao
Chingy892987 14
I gotta be honest, I'd be pretending to be the microwave and arguing back just to **** with him xD.
perdix 31
The microwave would probably have foiled your dad's drunken logic at every turn, but then your dad would retaliate with actual foil!
ebonyirony 29
"honey what happened to the microwave?" "you did. Last night. Foil. "
perdix 31
Thanks, . . . by the way, nice duckface!
Roley4498 14
Hmmmm maybe it's time we banned alcohol, far too much trouble than it's worth lol
rattusrattus 19
But then how would we appease Bacchus?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Don't tell me to calm down! THAT ****** BURNED MY POPCORN!"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What the hell? I said "popcorn!"