Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
evilplatypus 39
If your dad's that drunk, the microwave probably would've won the fight anyway.
DocBastard 40
Dad: Why can't you ever *hic* heat anything evenly? Microwave: ... Dad: I asked you a question! Microwave: ... Dad: Answer me, damn you! Microwave: *ding* Dad: YOU'RE GROUNDED, SMARTASS!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
Yoshi_Girl916 2
"No, no! You don't understand, this guy right here never properly heats up my hot pockets!"
Hellbound_Alleee 14
It sounds like this calls for passive resistance. Your dad's a drunk. Tell him he has no authority over you while drunk. Ignore this command. And stop helping him when he's drunk.
khaya 9
This bastard is giving me radiation, now get me my hammer.
worldclassrager 41
drunk=forgetfulness hence if he grounded you he wouldn't remember...
NinjaBrick 1
Wow I lol'd so hard at this FML.
_VAL3NT1NA_ 6
Fuckshit dont try to calm me down, what the **** IS WRONG WITH YOU?.... Hey microwave, dont try to get into this shit! I'll beat ur ass
88vivera 9
Oh that's funny!
stitesy29 18
Thats ok if grounds you. He probly drank enough to not be able to remember grounding you once he's sober
Chinman05 4
HahaI feel sorry for the microwave. IT WAS INNOCENT!!
Alpha2121 0
Next up dad vs the toaster!!!!