Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML
Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML
Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML
Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad bought a Bible. He's completely illiterate and is basing his religious beliefs off people on TV saying "It's in the Bible." I miss bacon and am tired of explaining to people that he's an idiot. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
It's a scourge on humanity! It makes your pee smell all funny! It must be banned!
iAmScrubs 19
ATTENTION, once you have started reading this, you can't stop. If you do not send this message to 29 people by midnight tonight, an asparagus will appear outside your window an give you asparagus syndrome.
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Comments (31)
anlinn 1
Asperger's Disorder, a mild form of autism.
benderbot19 0
don't repeat me! :)
nlr 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
neither of you are fully correct! it's when you get obsessed with something very quickly.
benderbot19 0
nir. you don't know what you're talking about.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
yes nir shut up you are wrong.
nlr 9
22. yes I do! my cousin and my bestfriend have it! thanks! and it's nlr not nir
benderbot19 0
doesn't mean your tiny NiR brain knows what it is. I gave the clinical definition. go to school child. go away NiR
technicallyhuman 0
asperger's is mainly about the inability to read social cues. however, us with asperger's do tend to have our subjects we get obsessed with but it mainly deals with the social cues and I.Q.
CitrusGirl 0
Nir, I will call you by your correct name when you start giving a correct definition of aspergers.
rtxj89 0
nlr: it can involve that, but that would be like saying Alzheimer's disease is where the person gets irritable all the time. that is only a part of the disease, it's much more complex than that. Learn your shit.
xeldawyn 14
My brother has it and just can't really tell when I'm irritated. He does have a love for baseball (maybe to an large fan degree but not obsessed) and space. It's not when you get obsessed with something. It is as other people have said: a social disorder.
ZX6Rninja 0
you might want to clarify your fml a little. what is so funny about you dad sending you a chain email about asparagus syndrome. if he meant something else there is no way for us to know that.
dgr8ing 0
dumb ass did you not read any of the last comments I think you are the only one that didn't know
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
I am 13 and I got the fml. fyl for being owned by a 13 yr old
stro88 6
your bike sucks anyway. go somewhere.
FreebirdIII 1
I too suffer from Asparagus Syndrome. It causes smelly urine.
khaya 9
He was just trying to make you eat your vegetables, it'd never too late .
randiZ25 0
So F your life, not your dads? The only possible way this could be an fml for OP is that the op acquired this same "syndrome"
nlr 9
it's the fact that someone older than her didn't realize this... the person go raised her...
FlashBurn 13
Aspergers is simply autism that isn't so severe. At the cost of being intelligent in a field, usually social interaction is painfully difficult. Usually they are computer geeks or scientists.
CitrusGirl 0
Not true. Because of many of the published stories of people with aspergers and autism people think that all autistic people are incredibly smart. Really only autistic savants are like that. Most people with autism are of normal intelligence.
technicallyhuman 0
actually. (s)he? is mostly right, not all people with autism are intelligent, some actually are below average. but when it comes to asperger's you tend to have a higher I.Q. just not to rainman's level lol
CitrusGirl 0
Thank you for correcting me :) We had a student with aspergers speak to our psychology class last year and what I had said was what he had said. But now I'm thinking that was just his own personal experience. Thanks again :)
technicallyhuman 0
lol, i'm also just speaking from my own experience and others I know with(my dad and one friend.) so I may not be 100% correct but it seems to be a trend. and I have to say I agree with him saying we are all computer nerds. lol
missy76518 0
yeah. nothing FML about this. Just u need to look up and understand what the hell things are before u go writing about it.
iAmScrubs 19
ATTENTION, once you have started reading this, you can't stop. If you do not send this message to 29 people by midnight tonight, an asparagus will appear outside your window an give you asparagus syndrome.
benderbot19 0
LOLz
TraceCase_ 19
That actually sounds worse than Aspergers. Smelly pee for sure.
BamBarBiYaKergud 2
addicted to the asparagus? dont smoke asparagus. looooool