Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML
Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Algebra fail! The problem is stated as an inequality. (Number of sex toys) > 1 x age Therefore, the OP must be 18 or younger.
ollie179 21
Well at least you weren't using them.
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Comments (326)
saphire512 3
Candyman Christina Aguilera
flex_dexter 4
19 toys? Oh boy you need a real one. Msg me for further details ;D
bleachrocks 0
I agree. Screw Toronto, stay in Montreal.
amazingannoying 4
just tell him the truth, you are a hoarder
Kingbreezy04 10
You sound like the best girlfriend of all time
chubby_choco 17
I'd say you deserve it and why do you have so many, but to be honest, I don't really see a problem with owning that many. Different toys offer different methods of stimulation (anyone who thinks otherwise is a virgin or a man). D: At least you're nice and clean. I hope the embarrassment didn't kill you...
Shenannigoats 16
Win.
tifsuz 9
Tell him it's better than 19 men!
chrisbyg 6
Seriously? 19!?
jessikamahone 6
How old are you??!
deadlydecoy17 8
19 toys, more than 1 for every year alive...... My guess, 18
Jdubbs_14 0
Use them in the car? Lol Jk that'd be disgusting :p
Jdubbs_14 0
Lol