Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML
Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML
Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML
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Top comments
jennaleighhh 0
your dads retired at 58??
littlec_fml 0
haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?
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Comments (91)
GameRater01 0
Old people are crazy.
hellokittywhore 0
iknow the old ladies at my moms work are insane, they duke it out* fist fights to the extreme* have like 3 eyebrows drawn on and poop in their hands and finger paint with it and this one old guys wife sneaks in drugs and alchohol when she visits him!!!WTF there's more drama at this retirement home than on 90210 lagoona beach and all those other stupid drama filled shows combined!!! LMFAO 0____0
ffmmllyaya 0
ydi for not taking care of your pop, for throwing him on a retirement complex and not supporting him so he have to sell meth to support himself
SadinSherman 16
#63 You don't know the circumstances
EFFyourlifecait 0
my dad will probably do that to. haha.
attaboyyy11 11
Same
littlec_fml 0
haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?
chaos753159 4
from Santa??
minisquid 9
I ought to slap yo' ass. Santa isn't real, you stupid or something? +1 internets to anyone who gets the reference
sayyestothedress 24
#72 you just ruined my childhood memories bitch!
Kiebland 0
Niiice.
jennaleighhh 0
your dads retired at 58??
alexg823 0
exactly what I was thinking. then again, he did sell drugs.
ribx 16
He could just work there...
teentee401 37
He could've had an accident that forced him to retire early. My uncle had to retire from being a cop at 50 cause of an accident during a car chase. Then again, he didn't go to a retirement community.
jesusjr 0
#5 he didn't really retire, he just changed professions
RyGan 0
58 is a goo age to retire at ..
gigglepants 0
#5 probably made a killing selling meth for years. (news story: http://cbs13.com/local/meth.hollow.canes.2.949499.html)
scb197 0
he's 58 and lives in a retirement complex? that blows.
chromatose 0
FYL indeed.
karyspecialk 0
hahahhhah to #3