Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML
Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML
Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML
Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML
Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
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Top comments
jjsaunders32 6
Just say #myfootupyourass
CommentModerated 17
Am I the only one who still calls it "pound"?
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Comments (92)
ARandolph13 1
Hashtag i agree, your life sucks..
chocolatefrog28 29
Pop on some headphones or take a walk, if your brother doesn't get any attention/reaction to sounding like an idiot, he's more likely to stop doing it sooner. I'm sorry you had to listen to that, OP.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
#ThatSucks. #YourBrotherIsAMoron
worldclassrager 41
He needs go lay off the twitter...
Zarcissa 34
My eyes burned as I read through the comments. I already cried a little at the OP itself.
jrock9093 18
#thatsdumb #idiot #why #thatsucks #lmfao #haveagoodday
beclaurela 18
Maybe it would be funny to begin with #myfistyourmouth Then proceed.
Sir_drink_alot 20
I never use hashtags in conversation, but if I knew that doing so would annoy my sister so much, I would use them all the time :)
mirokuboy2 20
Draw a hashtag in his forehead with a sharpie while he's asleep. See if he still think's it's funny.
BrimfullOfAsher 20
Octothorpe JustifiableHomicide