Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML
Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML
Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my phone and saw a post from my nephew's mother, my brother's girlfriend. She has a swollen eye that my brother gave her. I've been telling him for months to get his temper in control, and now he's facing possible charges, and she's utterly traumatized. I wish I could cut off relations. FML
Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML
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Top comments
dagrathe 0
cool female bro.
ceatsouth 0
Just block your wall so he can't see it
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Comments (346)
dagrathe 0
cool female bro.
Eaglestrike117 29
You CAN block certain people from certain aspects of your profile...
Jennyboo5797 4
Cool story bro, tell another.
kwchambers92 10
Cool story bro has to be the dumbest, ignorant, and most annoying phrase you can use
EvilPotato 15
Cool story OP, are you mad bro?
penguinonastairc 0
brool story co.
every1luvspuns 0
lmfaao :D
jamie72596 9
Block him. Simple as that.
margie2194 12
Just block him from posting on your wall. Or report him as a cyber bully. Haha that'll be funny Zuckenberg would go Chris brown on his ass.
Keyman1212 14
I don't think 'Zuckerburg' would do anything at all...
margie2194 12
Keyman, that was my sad attempt at humor. Geez. Can't I attempt to make a joke without getting shit?
Rickilynn1 10
Keyman got a thumbs up from me. It's Zuckerberg, not Zuckenburg.
margie2194 12
92- God forbid I spell his name wrong, oh he Zuck(whatever) the father of social networking, the god that gave birth to 2am Facebook stalking... His name shall be uttered in hushed reverence.
n_epic_fail 14
You don't have to unfriend him, just block his ass.
FailBear920 19
Who is Fart fuckerberg?
Jammy01jams 2
You would think that someone that made something you use daily, could get his name spelled correctly medium he created it. I can only imagine his funeral. "Mark Zuckserenberg, I think? How you say this damn guys name?" *dirty looks all around.
a_nutritionist 10
@93 youre the one who said the name, if you dont know it properly, dont say it...i dont really understand why you wouldnt expect to be corrected. if someone said angelina jolly we wouldnt hesitate to mock that person either, so whats the difference?
StoryOfTheYear 15
109- It's Angelina Jolie you dumb ****. Learn to spell celebrity names right.
a_nutritionist 10
@120 usually id simply laugh along with that comment but since its you im not sure if i should laugh or cry.
liquidfireKAN 0
everyone is saying that "cool story bro" is annoying but "k." is even worse,
False_Stupidity 42
K
nerobluerose 10
The worst phrase is. You mad bro/brah. God those people need to be slapped
DropTheDaggerxx 31
I don't mind "cool story bro" when it's in response to something genuinely too long/off topic. But when people say it when you're being serious by telling them something, it's really rude. It'll be gone in a few weeks like "you mad" and "winning" and all that other shit.
chell1894 13
You can set it so certain people can't see posts, comments, etc. Or bock them all and tell them you deleted it.
joey1314 5
I was talking to you 94
DrunkSwagger 2
Dude margies hot
Keyman1212 14
Children! Love each other! Who gives a damn what some Harvard dropout's last name was?
thehoneybadger 10
"Cool story bro has to be the dumbest, ignorant, and most annoying phrase you can use" What? No it's not. What about Nazi slogans? Exaggerate much?
TheDrifter 24
"Blood and honor" and "For the homeland", English translations of two of the more popular Nazi slogans are hardly offensive on their own. It's the context. "Cool story bro" is far worse than either, both in the offensiveness and topical incorrectness of its general usage.
james_aka_frosty 3
147- u mad?
tygerarmy 35
Hide your Facebook posts from your whole family.
Magex 12
Now thats why I say Mkay
margie2194 12
168- actually im quite cold, being in canada and all...
ygdrassil 17
Delete his comments and block him from posting/commenting on your wall.
Jovecove 13
Just block him from commenting on your posts.
zach5432 3
Limit his access, op. You're not unfriending him.
zach5432 3
Limit his access, op. You're not unfriending him.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Cool story brah. I see what i did there.
Ima_monster_x3 12
In case you didn't notice, he did it before the guy above him.
1badjuju 6
He probably didn't see it since they were posted only a second apart
EvilPotato 15
2 I didn't.
every1luvsboners 11
Who cares, they're both stupid as two retarded wombats *******, shaddup people.
shumian 4
Wombat. Good one. -.-
benniful 0
your profile picture is ******. I totally shat the bed when I saw it 0_____o
shumian 4
Cool family bro
ShroomsOnAcid 17
What a dumbass family, making such a big deal out of something like Facebook.
guckylynn 19
Seems to me that OP shouldn't have a Facebook if his family has that big of an influence on whether he's grounded or not
jennyc246 8
OP could block all of their family and say that they deleted their facebook account
MagicallyFat 12
That's so annoying I'd just remove his post. If your parents get maf at that try convincing them of how annoying he is
ironwords 8
Cool comment bro
zakkyzebra 11
Start commenting "cool story, bro" on all of your parents comments.
a_nutritionist 10
yeah or you could just use the filtering thats been on every status update for at least a year now. you know, the one every normal person would at least start looking for after maybe a day of this shit, not a week later.
missdaulton 0
Yep cause that works EVERYTIME...I'm kidding really that was a joke it never works, don't do it!!!!!
11grace18 5
or she could just hide her posts from him :o problem solved!
rexgar2000 10
I personally hate when you post something and all you get is "lol".
mrmerino 0
That would never work. Parents are absolutely ignorant to how annoying their kids are.
MagicallyFat 12
The only reason I'm not mad about your comment is cause that cat is too damn cute. Like the real version of puss and boots lol
littlestmOnster_fml 1
Wow your family takes facebook WAY to seriously!
ceatsouth 0
Just block your wall so he can't see it
olpally 33
Cool idea bro..
cancer27 2
he can make privacy on all his status and pix.
_words_of_wisdom 4
u need to tell your parents that you dont care if u get grounded, even if its killing you, u cant let them know that, if they think u have nothing to lose they wont ground you and if they do act all badass about it. works every time. my parents hardly even bother punishing me anymore but it probably has a little to do with that if i do something its cause it needed to be done but ya do that
yamatelle 19
You should change your name to _words_of_bullshit.
Jesster22 3
Your one of those bastard children who gets away with everything cause your parents are not smart enough to beat your ass!!
a_nutritionist 10
@7 this is testament to bad parenting, not your technique. by the way, dont go spouting maturity in your profile if you get in trouble so often your parents have just given up on you.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
I love trying to decipher run-on sentences. "I went pee pee then ate a Popsicle and rode my pet donkey Bo Bo and we ate frog legs then we took a stroll through LSD lane and ****** a weasel then I ate a blueberry then I went home then I masturbated to Justin bieber in my man cave" Get an education.
blacksswan 10
I feel really bad for your parents. You are no where near mature. **** your parents life for having to put up with a immature ass child like you. The way you treat your parents ; that's how your kids in the future will treat you.
Furry_dude 6
In your profile you say "I am probably the most mature person I know"............hmmmmmmm you must not have many friends, or not know many people
nitram06 2
What a moronimus ignoramus. Learn to use some ******* punctuation; your post makes my brain want to explode. Also, your parents are pretty damn stupid if that is their response to you "not giving a shit."
docscientist 10
I understood what you said, 140, more than I did with 7.
chiddy_bang71 0
Alright mr smartass, let's here your views on politics and religion that you talk about in your profile.
Yetifoot 0
Lol 140
12vballchick12 5
Single most annoying thing ever....
BigHoshJosh 0
Cool story bro
Garytt 0
Umadbro?
Flutequeen 0
Sorry:( if I was you I would delete Facebook all in all. It sucks now anyway.
SimpleMinds_fml 7
Noooo. First myspace, moved on to facebook, now more people are moving to twitter, and later it will be Google+! Is it just me or is anyone else really tired of having to change social networks because friends eventually desert every network that comes along. Also, I still like facebook :/
t765234 10
That's why I just stay an anti-social bastard. :/
kroekdog 7
Bro, cool story.
ginger123456789 0
Tell it again.
azpallen 0
LOL