Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML
Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML
Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML
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Top comments
littlelemur 2
YDI for getting ambushed. you should NEVER let your guard down! constant vigilance! lol
WOW_idc123 0
haha cool mom
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Comments (129)
jamjenni2774 0
WTF EVER
Carbonchild 0
Don't whine, they gave you lots of time to do nothing other than plot your revenge. Silver lining and all that.
RuralNinja 0
YDI for not putting up a fight.
DawnFireAngel 0
Your mom is frickin' awesome! FML tho :( I hate socks stuffed in my mouth.
dragontape 0
It's survival skills! Now if he ever gets kidnapped and gagged, he has prior experience to fall back on! Go mom!
ultravioletfoil 0
Kinky.
erineclipse 0
Uh, Wasn't this on the movie The Goonies?!
paladininwaiting 1
Mom is effing cool....lol
tschoiuss 0
I think you have been watching the Goonies way to much!
strawberrypocky 5
So glad my brothers are quite a bit younger than me. Now I don't have to worry about things like that.